Intimacy

My emotional needs have been changing.  There are folks who've provided a lot of support for me in the past who I've drifted away from, some I've turned away from, and still others have turned away form me.  I'm learning to be ok with these changes.

I'm a fiercely private person, and I don't often share with others the roots of my thoughts, concerns, wonderings, etc.  Even here, on these blogs, when writing is my easiest form of communication. It's a complex issue, one I may (not) save for another post.

Anyhow, recently I've been pushing myself out of my comfort zone and actually saying some of the more personal things that wander through my mind.  I've gotten mixed results--I've felt mixed results--and it's given me even more to think about, in terms of who I'm building a deeper connection with, what I actually care to share, and who I won't be sharing things with any longer.  Overall though, I'm really pleased that i'm finally feeling steady enough in myself to say these deep things aloud.

Something I'm noticing more now is who I share certain things with. I used to believe in a catch-all person--someone who I could talk with every thing about. :cough: Yeah, not anymore. Every person has their strengths and I find it easier to talk with one friend about trans*masculinity and family shit with another and Love with someone else.

Well, actually, I'll talk Love with just about anyone who will listen. I'm a romantic and I'm always bouncing ideas off folks to determine whether they are swoon-worthy enough to add to my repertoire.  And also to gush over Love quotes. My buddy PSM is super great for that.    

It's really interesting to note who the folks I can communicate easily with about real shit are and folks who who I try to connect with but it's just better if we eat burgers together and shoot the superficial shit.

I need  a balance of both.

But mostly I just need burgers, to fill the Void. Peanut butter-strawberry shakes fill the sadness of my Heart.