Labels

What is butch and femme, and why are they necessary?  Is it not enough that we're either "straight" or "gay" or "bisexual"?  Is this extra bit of marginalization really necessary?  I mean, really?

I've been thinking hard about this concept, and I think I'm entitled to a rant.  

I understand that I'm new to the whole LGBT comm, but I know I am not the only person who rolls their eyes at this extra bit of labelling.  And it's not the fact that there are labels; we're human and we need to tag something in order to be able to better understand it.  But when people start thinking of themselves or others as only a label and can't see outside of the box, that's when the problems begin.

I was reading... something on the web (blog, article, comment?) and the speaker began going on about "butch," "femme"  "soft butch," and "stone butch".  First I laughed out loud, and then began to seethe.  Is it really necessary to 1) box oneself into a particular identity, and 2) categorize everyone else the in the same manner?  Sometime I wish I could give Western society a good shake to weaken the social norms and help make the implementation of more modern ideas easier.

What happened to people just being people and then the attraction following afterward?  And why do some individuals (for example lesbians) seek only a particular type of partner?  Why must the person always be "femme" or "butch"?

But I wonder if that's like another person only preferring redheads or Asians?  Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion.... I do have my moments.

But before I point the finger outward, I must examine my own biases.  I acknowledge that I am a product of my generation, my time period and my culture (Black, American, female, working class, etc.)/  I have prejudices just like everyone else.  I examine them regularly and attempt to break them down to their root. 

However, speaking specifically in terms of attraction and traits I consider to be a desirable in a partner... I don't think ethnicity is really the determining factor.  More like culture.  I've been raised in a certain type of culture, and feel most comfortable within it.  That doesn't mean I'm willing to wander around a bit and explore what other peoples have to offer.....

I got distracted by Facebook and Stars so I'm going to end here. I did think of two topics to blog about for later though!!  Let's see if I can remember them for tomorrow.  :-P

Conformity

As I was cleaning the tub a few moments ago, I was contemplating how societal standards are formed and how they influence popular opinion.  

I recently read something from a commenter who stated that because she had had a child before having a full-time job or going to college that she had "done things out of order".  

Whose order?  Who has the authority to essentially dictate in what order people should arrange their life-events?  And why is this the norm?  Why can't people  be free to choose how they go about their lives?

I believe it's rather obnoxious for people to go about proclaiming that they have some type of clairvoyance and "know" how things ought to be, in any realm (religion, law, parenting, etc.). 

I recently heard a radio show about the Textbook War of 1974, where citizens of a West Virginian town confronted the school board on the assigned textbooks.  Essentially, anything that deviated from their conservative belief system was put under fire.  It divided the town and left the public education system at a sub-par level; to this day there are still certain literary works that aren't studied by students, i.e. The Grapes of Wrath, due to it's racial and classist overtones.

But even looking at mainstream media, much of it is from the point of view of a W.A.S.P.  Although other cultures are beginning to permeate this very skewered viewpoint, it's often misrepresented.  Let's take for example The L Word.  It's an interesting show, and perhaps portrays life accurately based on its characters (I'm not a middle-class White woman living in LA so I can't say), but it's a very narrow scope.  Sure lesbians of that particular demographic are satisfied, but what about Latino and Hispanic lesbians?  What about African-American and Middle Eastern viewers?  Asians?  I understand that a show can't hit on all demographics, I think more bases could have been covered, at least racially (which would hit on class as well).

I just find it extremely frustrating that more populations aren't represented.  Stereotyping persists when we don't address the issue, and we've been turning a blind eye for far too long already.

Alcohol

Rum to relax.  Vodka for a good time.  Tequila to forget it ever happened.

The last time I had tequila (Halloween '08), I woke up in my bed fully dressed and the world was still spinning. My stomach still clenches at the thought of Cuervo or Patron.

I'm a talkative drunk.  Very talkative.  And a little clingy. I've never been drunk enough to not keep myself in check, except that fateful Halloween, but there's a first time for everything.

I think it's very interesting how differently people react to alcohol, and to different liquors.  I wish I could do a study on that.  Take five individuals who were content with their current lot in life and record their reactions and behaviours through various levels of inebriation.  Track 'em from tipsy to trashed.  That's my kind of science.  I love me some statistics.

Tomorrow night I'm being treated to a farewell dinner by my coworkers.  We'll be dining at a Mexican restaurant, and odds are  20 to 1 Mr Cuervo will be present....  I hope the waitstaff have been warned, cause we gon' tear the roof off that biatch!

Melancholy

This is my fifth attempt at a blog.  I'm tired and have work in the morning so I'm going to monologue about Melancholia.

I'm feeling melancholy because I just had a fantastically awesome vegan dinner with my good friend Kathryn.  I hadn't seen her in nearly three months and I won't see her again until the holiday season.  Normally I don't get attached so strongly to people, but Kat's talked me through some rough shit this past year. From accepting my sexuality to a horrible fiasco involving a TA during the fall to rather misguided feelings toward a mutual friend, that hookeh has kept me on track.  And now I'm heading out to Washington and I don't have someone providing objective information.  Whether it be my friend Davi, who I've known since I was eleven, or Kat or our friend Alley, someone has always been there to talk me down or out of the wild notions that sometimes sweep me away.  And now, I'm on my own.  Hence, my melancholy.

Ok, maybe it didn't always work.  I'm stubborn to a fault when I want something that I want, and there have been times when even Davi couldn't talk me out of an idea once that had taken root.  Even when it was obviously bad, I ignored her and she has taken every opportunity after those situations to gloat about how she is always right.  Because she always is.  Always always.  

I've lost my thread, so that means it's time to shut it down for the night.  

But I will say, that this feeling will have passed by the morning.  Until I meet with the College Dems tomorrow night, when it starts all over again.  And then again on Friday, with my co-workers.  

I have sufficiently depressed myself.  I'm such a depressive.

Sick

I'm taking a day to deviate from my regularly scheduled introflecting about various topics to whine about how I hate being sick.

Now, I'm not really sick.  I don't have a fever, no vomiting, no general feeling of lill, but my throat is sore.  Not strep throat sore, but enough to notice.

I would like to take this opportunity to point my finger at the 10 little bodies who are most likely responsible for my affliction.  For the last week, I've been snotted on, sneezed on, coughed on and drooled on.  And at last my immune system broke down.  Combine that with the financial and emotional stress of the last month and TADA!!  I'm on the verge of being sick.

I don't normally medicate, but if I wake up in the morning feeling worse I'm jumping on the DayQuil bandwagon as it passes.  I do not need to be slowed down by anything on my last week in FL.  And definitely not on a plane ride to Olympia.  Ugh, the last time I rode on a plane while sick...  :shudders:  My ears ache just thinking about it.  :(

But I've got my Neti Pot, juice, water and all the Law & Order: SVU I can watch.  I just hope if it comes, it comes quickly.

The LGBT Community

I'll admit, I have not had much official interaction with the LGBT community, per se.  Yes, I have encountered numerous gay males and I'm sure more than my share of lesbians, but as far as an organised event catered towards gays directly, nope.

And i find myself hesitant to do so.

It's not that I'm embarrassed, more like anxious.  I've heard good and bad things about organised gay events, but I'm hoping more along the lines of the good.  I'm afraid that if I go to an event, that bubble of goodness will burst and I'll be left with the same disappointment I feel with the Black community: so much wasted potential.

The one experience I have had with a gay org was the University of Central Florida's GLBTQ org, EQUAL.  Well, it turns out that they are not so equal and highly prejudiced against non-Whites, bisexuals and even persons who had newly accepted their non-heterosexuality.  Needless to say I stuck around for only two meetings before writing if off as a bad job.

Also, I've just read an op-ed about the division and bias within the GLBT community for the reasons I've mentioned above.  Which leads me back to my apprehension about an organised function.

But I wonder if it's just the central Florida area.  We are being liberal in a very conservative environment, and maybe the stereotypes are so hardwired that it's difficult to see past it.  I'm really, really hoping that my hop to the West Coast will bring about a much needed breath of fresh air.  I'm so tired of the tension and the bigotry.

One day, the world will be a tolerant place....  Maybe.  :-/

Addiction

I've recently been watching Showtime's Nurse Jackie and have been contemplating addiction and its consequences.


I've never had a substance addiction, nor have I known anyone while they were going through the actual addiction or recovery.


This time last year I would have balked at the very thought.  But it's been a long year, and I find as time goes by that I am more... understanding of people and their personal choices and decisions. 


That said, I'd probably take the cue from the... addictee, user...?  I dunno, but it's not my place to judge.  I'd go through the usual "You should get help," but I'm not sure I'd interfere overmuch.  Assuming the person is an adult, they're free to make their own decisions.  I sure as hell don't respond well to people telling me what to do.


But if it was a loved one....  :sigh:  I'd probably be a little more insistent, because the impact would be felt much more acutely.  And if it was a lover...


I've seen what addiction does to people and their circle of loved ones (not firsthand, but still) and that would be enough for me to make an attempt at an intervention.  But as far as real-world situation goes, I'm not so sure....

Infidelity

Apparently infidelity is the New Black.

I'm more of a serial monogamy kind of person, but I do believe in keeping one's word.  If a person vows to remain faithful and all that, they should.

Now I have to say, the amount of people I know who have been on the shit end of the infidelity stick is growing.

But I wonder if we're going about this the wrong way.  Marriage and long-term commitment came about as a way for men to ensure that the kids that they were supporting were in fact their heirs.  That seems a little passe to me, especially in today's Western world.

Studies, and people, show that some humans are less... content in long-term relationships. Our society pushes for it, despite the obvious variance in behaviours and inclinations.  And also, people change, and sometimes the situations we enter into (in this case marriage and LTRs) are not as we expect and certain... adjustments must be made.

I'm not saying that infidelity is the solution, but it seems to be the go-to for many people I know of recently.

But I have this feeling, it always has been.