Education Etc.

In recent light of Washington State's governor attempting to cut 1) 20% of funding to all institutes of higher learning, 2) eliminate the State Need grant and 3) Eliminate the work-study program, it seems very likely that I will be moving back to FL to finish my degree. I'm upset, and I will fight this with all that I have, but if I'm packing my ish and heading back East, it is what it is.


But!!!!!

I've now (finally) found my educational path after I graduate with that damn piece of paper that cost me some 50k and has only symbolic worth in this market.

I'm going to either apply for the Master's in History or Gender and Cultural Studies at Simmons College.  The programs actually look like they can sustain my interest for more than a single term, which is always nice.  Unfortunately Simmons is in Boston, MA.  I don't know if I'm emotionally ready to handle yet another covertly racist city, except this place is an actual city and not a bump in the road on the way to an actual city.  But there are two ups to be seen: 1) it's a train ride down to NYC, and 2) it'll be a hell of a lot easier to get to FL and see my sister. And 2.5) the rest of my natal family is smattered across the Eastern seaboard.

My second option is to apply for the PhD program in Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies at Emory Univ.  Emory is world-renown for it's rigor and the earning a degree from there would definitely give me a leg up.  And Emory is located in Hot-lanta!! I will never yearn for Brown and Black faces again in that Chocolatetown :D  I may however want for radical queer faces.  But you take the good with the bad. I'd be in the South (read: Deep South) and I'd be an hour flight to see my sister.

Another option is applying for the Africana Women MA program at Clark Atlanta Univ. It's a historically Black college and to find a program specifically discussing Black women.... my Heart.  ♥___♥ The only hiccups I see are 1) the institution doesn't offer fin aid through the school, and 2) there's no mention of discussing sexuality or querness... This can mean that these topics are discussed and they just don't advertise them or else they don't advertise because they don't discuss them.... If I walked up in there they'd either love me or hate me.  Probably the latter, but it would be awesome to make space for future Black LGBTQ students to roam those halls.  :)

I feel really good about having something like a plan. I start getting antsy when I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like the Pacific Northwest is getting ready to expel me. But no hard feelings. I don't really care for you either.

Obligation

I've noticed lately that I've been doing a lot of things because I feel obligated to one or more individuals involved in that particular organisation....  I don't like this feeling. I'm very used to putting myself before all others.  Maybe this is maturity or compassion or some other such nonsense....?  I don't like it.

Let's start with the Queer People of Colour student org I'm co-coordinator for.  I've long since had the desire to leave.  Like since October when I saw the warning signs of my co-cordinator disappearing just like the did last year.  But I knew just how the org would crumble if I left too.  So I stayed.  And I have been staying and giving my energy (however half-heartedly) over the past eight, nine weeks.  I already have successor in place, I just need it to be 16 December so I can officially hand the baton over. -__-

Next we can touch on MECh@ de Evergreen.  ... this is even more painful than QPOC.  Where to begin....  Well I can start by saying I anticipated the... difficulties that have arisen in MECh@, but not to the degree that they've risen to.  It's actually kind of ridiculous how tense and how much double-talking and sugar coating is going on in this group.  Familia my ass.  Or rather exactly like my familia, where we can be talking for hours and saying nothing at all.  In my humble opinion, there needs to be a hard shakedown of the leadership and a candid discussion about what MECh@ is and how it can function, rather than dragging this poor, half-dead org behind us. My biggest concern, is who will be able to actually voice their discontent, and whether those who need to hear it most can actually set aside their Pride and LISTEN.  IMHO, that's not going to truly happen.  Poor MECh@.  This is the org that truly makes me sad to see it's disintegration. V__V

What both of these orgs has taught me throughout this quarter is the depth of my patience, perseverance and dedication.  I realise that I cannot stay because 'it's a real-life lesson' or because 'I feel I have to due to commitments' or because 'it would fall apart without me'.  Hell's no!!  People gotta learn how to function.  I cannot and will not spread myself thin in order for slackers to thrive.  It happens way too often already, and I'm working my ass off to survive.  But I digress...

What I've learnt most this quarter is how to ration my time.  And to definitely not waste my precious time and energy on orgs or (more specifically) people who don't want me there and won't appreciate my efforts. That's a quick route to burnout and that happens far too often in the social justise community.  From now I need to be more selective about how and on what I dedicate my energies to.

That's the biggest task.  It's so easy for me to be swayed.... I need to dig in my toes and find one cause (ok, no more than three) to give myself to.  Hmm.....

Stir Crazy

It's that time of year again.... When the holidays come around and I find there are weeks on end when I don't have to be anywhere in particular....  Bored bored Gemini.

It's this time of year when I also realise how much I treasure the relationships I've built up.  Moving to Washington, I had a clean slate and had to create any relationship I now have.  I've also lost quite a few in this move.  Not all are cause for sadness though....

And I also reflect on where I was and what I was doing and thinking this time last year.  Sitting in my room and being lonely.  Well, at least one element has changed: I'm not lonely.  I'm actually currently being accused of being anti-social by one of my Aries.  le sigh  I can't really argue with them.  I am certainly not going out of my way to venture from my home.  But after the eventful week I've had, I think I am entitled to a  few well-earned comforts.  Which means sleeping more than 6 hours a night.  And eating more than a few pastries a day.  This is self-care damnit!! (sorry no compound curse words V__V)

.. anyways...

I've recently had this yearning to be in New York City. I think it also has something to do with the time of year it is.  And the fact that I'm thisclose to being done with Evergreen.  If only I was a stronger academic writer.... Then I would have no qualms with leaving this po'dunk town.  -___-