Craving... Intimacy

I finally managed to 'dig deep' enough to solve this months' long riddle. It took several breakdowns; late-nights of Faith-seeking; wrong turns; and friends calling me gently and insistently in to finally get here. It has not been a fun journey, though I know it was a very necessary one.

What finally managed to sink in on the long walk home from Capitol Hill last night was that I have been desperately searching for it intimacy.

Which I mean, duh, I live for intimacy. Having enough of an emotional connexion with someone else to be able to talk about real shit and to trust the advice that is given; and to be able to pick up where you left off even if it's been months since the last time you spoke; and to be able to hug someone fro from behind and say 'I love you' and have it seen as uncomplicated  affection... I FUCKEN LOVE THAT SHIT!!!

 Funnily enough though, I was in this mindset that it was a particular type of intimacy--romantic intimacy--that would soothe the itch, as it were.

But that's like, no, I have intimacy all over the place, though it has been lacking as of late.  I have been spending so much time trying to develop emotional intimacy that I've been letting those relationships that help sustain me--family, chosen family, and close friends--drift away a little over the past few months.

Haha, but no more!! I'm taking a lengthy break from romance and re-routing all of that emotionally volatile energy back to the original source.I think those folks will appreciate it.

Silenced

I've been thinking the past coupla weeks about silence and the ways I am silenced--by myself and by others.

I feel like I've been pressing my face against this glass, trying to see or even ienvision what's beyond. But it's so foggy outside, the only thing I can see is my obscured reflection as the dew drips down the glass....

Quake

Sometimes it feels like the Foundation is crumbling, tremors toppling buildings and structures that have stood so long I never thought they could exist in any other way.

It's scary, when Pillars begin to quake and sway--it calls into question things I've taken for granted as Everlasting. And reminds me that nothing is certain and even things that are constant in my lifetime and the lifetimes before mine, once were not so. It can be hard to see this when the counter-narrative has been silenced and/or forgotten.

Now it seems that more are stirring. There's enough motion to rouse even the most stubborn from their slumber.

The World is changing... and I am busy falling in Love.