Dreaming

I had rather strange dreams that warrants a retelling.

Monday Morn

I was a birth attendant and it wasn't even officially!  This woman was squeezing out a kid (can you see the contortion on my face?) and I had to help her. Ugh, gross!  I had to sit behind her so she could lean on me and I had to coach her through it.  I had to check and tocuh as the baby crowned and then catch the kid as it emerged from her vagina.  And I have no clue what's going on with my imagination, but that did not look like any newborn I've seen on TLC; it was covered in bloody placenta.  No amniotic fluid, none of the white filmy stuff that's supposed to cover fresh kids. (Ugh, I need to wash my hands) And then I had to wipe the muck off the baby's face and we didn't have the suction bulb to clean out the nose and mouth, so instead I breathed into the mouth to give the lungs a kick start.  And then the baby just looked at me; no crying, no wriggling, just stared. 

One of the oddest things about this birth, was that I had no clue who this woman was and i feel like we were in a storage room! So unsanitary!  

Two nights ago 

I had a dream in which three kids had become spectres and were haunting an abandoned building.  The catch was that an EMT, who was responding to an emergency could see them, and I got a feeling that he was responsible for the kids' death....  It doesn't make sense but I could feel the fear of the kids whenever that dude was around.  

I don't like remembering my dreams, because too often they do not make sense.  Or they are creepy, meaning I'm helping with strange births, or dealing with ghosts or trying to avoid getting murdered, which was a dream I had about a week ago.  

It's because I've been getting more physical activity in during my days.  Damn you cardio workouts!! 

Personal

Ah, nothing like Coldplay get an introflection piece rolling.  There's been a shift in my universe and as a writer, the best way for me to view it comprehensively is in words. Here goes....

I think it's so interesting that upon reflection, things seem to line up and we say "Oh yeah, I totally knew that was coming."  I read somewhere that the true meaning of an event occurs when we process it in that instant, and not down the line.  Like when one is supremely happy and later we discount it by saying, "I no longer feel passionate about XYZ, so it wasn't true happiness," etc.  I can't judge my emotion of a past experience against what I feel now.  I've had experiences that colour my perception, so it will always be slightly inaccurate compared to what I truly experienced.  Just my thoughts at this late hour as I fight hard against fatigue....

I feel....  In true fashion, it's too much to properly articulate. But I do know I feel a sense of determination, to 'person up' and really invest myself.  That doesn't happen often enough.  It's a control thing, an accountability issue, and a defence mechanism.

I'm also slightly pissed, because I feel that a catalyst was involved in this change, where I prefer to operate on my own, on my own time....  Yet at the same time, I allowed the catalyst to influence my actions....  So what is really responsible for the change?  Hmm....

Yep, walking the line.  It's not either/or, but maybe it's everything and it's nothing all at once.

Alright, when the existentialism begins, that's where I end. I feel much more settled.  :D

Necesito dormir. Quiero mi cama!  Beunas noche.

Abortion

GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF MY VAGINA AND AWAY FROM MY UTERUS!!  

I think if we all scream that, we might begin a very interesting... ahem, discussion.

TBC