Splendid Isolation

More emotional upheaval. I'm getting really irritated with the disturbances. I feel like I had enough of them as a kid; when do I get stability?


I've also been feeling left out, pushed out and generally alone.  I think some of it has to do with me forgetting to take my Vitamin D these last two days.... but I know some of it is actually happening.  I am an Observer after all.  I can see the changes occurring around me....


Some of it is internal and some of it is external.  I've been pretty depressed lately, but I feel like that's going around. It's that time of the year as well. I'm not the only who's burnt out and ready for it all to be over.


Mmmm, I think that's all I want to talk about on this blog. I'm heading into The Cave :)

An Open Letter to Assholes

I can't keep making excuses for you*.  Your behaviour is your own and if you choose to act in that manner, I'm stepping back and letting the shit hit the fan. I spend too much of my precious time and energy trying to convince others of your innocence or the goodness of your intentions.  Fuck this, I ain't yo momma.  Do what you need to do, and be aware that your actions may have negative consequences.  And be aware that I'm not here to bail your ass out or smooth things over for you anymore.

*Universal 'you'.  I can think of many people in my Circle that this applies to.  And if you find yourself getting offended or defensive, check yourself, cause this may apply to you

Heart

Sometimes I wonder at my Heart....
Why does it fancy those it fancies?
How much say to do have in the matter?
Why does my Heart feel for those who do not return the attention?
How strong is my Heart in the face of indifference?
Rejection?
How much strength is in these sinews, muscle fibres and cords...?

Intention

Since coming to Olympia nearly two years ago, I've been contemplating the idea of intention. What are my intentions?  How do they manifest?  How can I better communicate my intentions in my everyday interactions?  How can I work to become more intentional?

Lately I've been reflecting on intention in my intimate relationships.  And I use the term 'relationship' to mean friends, family, and lovers.  How do I make my interactions with them more meaningful...?

I still have a helluva lotta shit to work out.  s far, though, I've just been trying to be more conscious of my interactions, how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking and why I'm doing things.  How they will or can be interpreted and making space to listen and being present when I mess up.  

... Yeah, that's where I'm at, for now!  :}

Human Again

I'm feeling like I've returned to the realm of humans.  I was so strung out from sleep-deprived and malnourished and aggravated from the OPCCon and traveling that I felt like I was mentally in another dimension and I could not comprehend the loud, smelly creatures walking around with me.  It was too much.

I was so tense I couldn't even gather my thoughts to write.  I haven't done my daily blog in three days, and I stopped journalling which is NEVER a good sign.

But after ten hours of sleep last night and another four this afternoon, my brain feels like it's descending to normal (whatever that means).  And now I have to stop procrastinating because I have to finish reading a book for class tomorrow. I actually want to be a good student this quarter....  No, really I do.  Like, stop laughing, cause I'm serious.  At least during this first week.  ;}