Oppression

I've been thinking a lot about difference regarding oppression.  As a Black female, who also comes from a low-income family, is a first-generation college student, has a disability and is queer, I used to think that it couldn't get much worse.

And then one of my friends, who is Jewish, mentioned being discriminated against based on his religion.  At first I laughed it off, because he could simply not mention anything about his religion and essentially "pass" if the need arose.  And then I started thinking critically about being persecuted based on one's religion.  Sure I know all about history: the Crusades, Hitler, etc, but it kind of blew my mind that it still goes on today, so close to home and to someone I knew.

Which started me down this path.  What would it be like to be a middle class Jewish person living in a Christian, and often intolerant, Western world?  What would it be like to be a Hispanic person living in the American Southwest?  What would it be like to be a queer person living in Appalachia?  Sure their fears and experiences are much different than mine, but just because they are different, doesn't make them any less significant.

But I think the biggest point of oppression I can think of is being a heterosexual, middle-class White male.  I wonder what it would be like to experience life without every having to fear exclusion or hunger or safety?  I wonder if these privileged (financially, emotionally, etc.) individuals ever wonder what it would be like if they had been born without these disadvantages?

Vanity

I'm vain!  You're vain! We're all vain!!

I've been thinking a lot about vanity and egoism, especially contrasting their prevalence between FL and Olympia.  Firstly, let's define the word and they we can take it from there.

Vain: having or showing undue or excessive pride in one's appearance or achievements : conceited.


I would say that overall, citizens here are less concerned about their physical vanity, in the mainstream sense (labels, brands, new clothes).  But, people seem to be a little too concerned with contrasting popular culture.  Example: I was riding the bus out to Evergreen and two female students behind me were seemingly competing to see who was the least mainstream.  Eventually the firl who shopped at Forever 21 with her 9$ jeans won, but I wanted to turn to her and say "If you're so worried about being "thrifty" and "conscious" of where your clothes come from, do yo ever stop to think about the labour that goes into making those clothes or where they originate?  But that would have opened a can of worms that couldn't be cleaned up in the 10 minutes we had left before getting to campus.


Continuing on that note, I've notice a lot of "alternative living" vanity, verging on elitism.... Yeah, it's just straight up elitism.  I encountered it today, as a matter of fact, and it was allllll I could do not to roll my eyes and scoff.  Our site director who took us to the field for gleaning and then to the Food Bank was so blatantly anti-consumerism, it was offensive.  She complained about the cookies, with their sugar, the soda with its sugar, and the "mainstream" radio stations.  Unfortunately if I want to do anymore harvesting with the Food Bank I will have to go through her, but maybe I can meet another coordinator who is less... judgmental.

The climate here is definitely different, though not exclusive, because I know plenty of those type of people in Orlando.

I'm writing this piece because I feel I'm reevaluating my position on vanity.  I've always thought I was a little more vain that is necessary, but I am my harshest critic.  Now, however, I'm thinking I may be coming back to the center of the spectrum.

The people I currently find myself attracted to aren't pretty in the conventional sense, meaning they wouldn't grace the cover of People or Glamour. I always assumed there was something wrong with me because I always looked to the physical appearance to determine whether or not I was interested in a person.  But now, I find I wait a moment because it's the personality that really grabs me.  I wonder if it's the new environment or if I was heading in this direction anyway, or if I was just surrounded by really attractive people in FL.  Probably a combination of all three.

I don't think my judging the book by its cover was aided by the fact that nearly everyone I meet comments at some point or another on my thinness.  I've  always been the slimmest in my family and growing up with remarks about my physical appearance is wearing.  The off-hand comments when I was a kid and the barely concealed envy of young adulthood have led me to be suuuuuuper conscious of what I eat, how I dress and generally my appearance.  I realise that our culture idolises the thin, but for the longest time I hated my body, just because it drew so much attention.

Vanity has many origins, is multi-faceted, and is thankfully fluid.   I feel like the weight I place on physical attractiveness is lessening, but it's hard to be judgmental when nearly everyone here is rocking a different and completely un-Florida like style.  But it's all good.  Change and newness are good. :)

Flirt

I've actually written about this topic on my legal pad during a busride home, but I'm too lazy to go to my room right now, so I'll try to remember what all I wrote. ;)

I am a horrible sober-flirt.  I either gush or freeze up.  It's infuriating because I know all the tactics, I know exactly what I'm supposed to say, to do, how to use my body language appropriately....  But when it come to action, I might as well be having my first go at a person who's caught my fancy.

But once I've had a drink (yes one, because my tolerance is very low), I'm in top form.  I can charm any person in the room.  I've done this before, with positive and negative results.  

I have performance anxiety.  And this when there's not much performing going on, if you know what I mean.  I am resolved to rectify this... shortcoming by doing the following:

1) Smile.  I've been told by more than a dozen of my friends that I scowl.  I'd like to call the expression 'pensive', but apprently that's not how it comes off.

2) Making eye contact.  I'm Black, and eye contact can be viewed as confrontational.  But since I'm among mostly Caucasian folk, I have to tweak this detail.

3) Step out of my comfort zone.  I'm an introvert and talking face-to-face with strangers is difficult, verging on nauseating.  Especially when I fancy them.

Alright.  Beginning now, I'm going to adhere to the three points listed above.  I refuse to be conquered by old habits and idiosyncrasies.  I have to "take chances, get messy, and make mistakes."  And seeing as how my luck hasn't been noteworthy thus far, I think it's time to incorporate some new methods.

I have a particular person who has caught my eye, and I'm going to take a dive.  While I don't have the best record with taking these kinds of chances, Olympia is a new start.  

This isn't really how the other blurb went, but whatever.

Books

I was commenting on a post about beloved childhood books and I realised, not for the first time, that I stumbled upon some really good lit when I was a kid.

The novels I read, which could easily be placed in the adult section, were gritty, realistic and often dealt with difficult social issues.  A recurring theme I encountered (I swear I did not look for it!) was sexuality, namely homosexuality.  It's rather poignant upon retrospection....  ;)

Anyhow, most of the authors I read (after Wiki-ing them) are actually employed in the field that they write about.  For example, I read E.R Frank's America, and it turns out she's actually a social worker.  And Jacqueline Woodson (If You come Softly...) is a gay, Black female.  It all makes so much sense now.....

These novels helped develop my interests, shape my beliefs and establish a very strong tolerance towards others and their differences.  If I had to choose though, I'd say Emma Donoghue's short story Team Men was the most influential piece of literature I have ever encountered.  It's supposedly a take on the Biblical sotry concerning Kind Saul, his son Jonathan and another character called David.  Donaghue's version is that Jon and Davy are both gay teens who have to come to terms with their sexuality.  I cried the first time I read that story, though at the time, I could not put my finger on why it resonated within me so deeply.  Or maybe I just didn't want to accept it.

Other stories I still remember vividly:

Breathing Underwater by Alex Flinn
Life is Funny by E.R. Frank
Eight Seconds by Jean Ferris
Deliver Us From Evie by M.E. Kerr (they moved this into the adult section in Orlando libraries)
Uncle Max by Chris Kenry (also moved to the grown-ups' books)

I feel that after those novels, I kind of peaked.  I've been searching recently for something to capture my attention, but I've yet to find any interesting adult fiction....  Oh well, I guess I'll have to write my own. ;)

Race

Ah, that scientifically devised divider....


This afternoon while riding the bus from Evergreen, a young Hispanic gentleman called Michael* began a conversation with me about race, and how the citizens of Olympia seem to ignore/overlook/don't mention it.


I must say, I think Michael was quite bold (not brash) to even broach the subject.  He recounted to me the story of an acquaintance of his who felt that "all Olympian were racist" because his particular experience was negative. And then he asked me about my experience within Olympia.


I told him that since I'd only been in Washington for approx. two weeks, I couldn't provide him with a full-bodied opinion, but that the individuals I had encountered seemed friendly and open enough.  I also told him that I had prepared myself, to an extent, for Olympia's racial climate.  The city is 80% Caucasian, and with that demographic comes a certain amount of compromise that a Black person might have to make.  One example would be others' expectations.  As a Black person, I'm constantly fighting against the stereotypes that the mainstream media broadcasts, be it music, news, television programmes, etc.  It's a disadvantage that every minority has to overcome, be they women, Hispanic, non-heterosexual, disabled etc.  I simply do my best to present myself as an intelligent, compassionate individual.  If the other party can't get over their prejudices, then that's their fault.


I expound on this particular point because Michael's friend (as he was described to me) was the epitome of the Black male stereotype: tall, dark-shinned, long dreadlocs, and Rastafarian to boot.  Whenever a person of this description is displayed within the media, it's usually in a very negative way.  That paired with the fact that he was alienated and frustrated in Olympia only furthered people's suspicions about him, which ultimately led to him leaving the city.


Another point that must be brought up is that since there is only a very small population of Black within Olympia, it only serves to misrepresent the population even further.  If there are no people to counter what the citizens consume via the media, the it's only reasonable to expect that their expectations will be highly skewered.  It's by no means fair, but every minority group has to endure it.


I think a person in the minority needs to be prepared for a few things: 


1) Expect static.  Humans are naturally afraid of what is different or "other".  We've all been in situations like this, whether in the position of the minority or the majority. Assholes are out there and you've just got to deal with it.


2) Don't get jaded.  It's easy to become frustrated and express one's discontent on those around them.  It's important to expect this and try to curb the negativity as much as possible. Stay positive.  For every one person who gives you a rough time, there are two people who can become your friend and advocate.  


3) Learn and grow.  The most important thing about these situations is to chalk it up to experience.  I've had some pretty bad slurs flung my way, but I can look back on those instances and say I'm more resolved to be tolerant and understanding towards others.  Breaking the cycle of negativity is one of the best (and hardest) things to do.


I wish that Michael's friend had had a different experience in Olympia, but hopefully one day he'll be able to reflect back on his time here and give it another try.  Racism is an issue that's going to persist for a very long time. The only way our society is ever going to overcome it is by breaking down our own prejudices and biases and addressing them head on.  It's a long, hard road ahead, but I think it can be done.


*Name change

Hair

Hair.  The majority of humans are born with it.  It's entirely natural.  And yet, many societies have seen fit to stigmatise it.

Hair just draws a question mark.  It's a contradictory argument.  Men are allowed to have body hair in abundance; hell, much of their masculinity is based on it.  But as soon as a woman has an inappropriate amount (OMG your legs have hair?!) she's looked down upon.  

Conversely, women are still in many places expected to have long, flowing locks and anything otherwise is considered indecent.  The opposite goes for men.  After a certain age, if a man has long hair, he can be considered feminine and non-confirmative. I find it so interesting that norms extend across societies and over continents.  It's amazing how religion has aligned social standards, but that's another blog.

My personal opinion on hair: do what makes you feel comfortable.  Experiment and see what you like.  That goes for body hair and the mop on your head.  far be it for me to judge what another person should or shouldn't do with their body.  However, I would caution before taking the ultimate hair removal step: electrolysis.  

I was seriously considering taking the plunge, but I got a wax instead (full Brasilian).  It hurt like a bitch and it was then that I realised, I like having hair on my genitals; it has to be there for a reason, although I'm not running naked through the forest so it is kind of an obsolete reason. 

Hair will continue to be on of my favourite things to study amongst my fellow humans.  Just the other day I saw a woman with a magnificent afro (I was only slightly jealous) and then a young man with a mohawk.  Hair is about expression, be it conformity or otherwise, and more importantly, it's only here for a short time. Enjoy it!  You'll be bald one day and wishing you'd done more when you had the chance.

Facebook

FB will be the downfall of us all.

This morning I listened to a radio show about how Washington public schools are facing challenges about how to handle digital slander, so to speak.  

In an example, one hugh school student made fun of a professor's tagline via Facebook and got caught.  The principal only gave her a slap on the wrist, but she was still miffed.

You would think kids would have realised by now that anything they publish online is public domain and can be used against them.

I really don't see where the problem is.  If kids don't want to be prosecuted for what they publish online, they should know better than to put anything incriminating online.  And anything that the schools (or universities) find should be treated as speech and should be used in that manner.

WPP

Think back to your childhood, or somewhere around there.  Have you ever had an acquaintence or friend who was there one day and without warning, was gone without a trace?  Well, what if they were in fact in the Federal Witness Protection Program?

This was a rather interesting idea I had in the twilight period between sleeping and waking, and it really got me thinking.

I don't know much about the WPP, but I help pay for it and thousands of lives have been saved by it.  But I reallyy wonder about its intricacies.  Who develops the new identities for the victims?  How do the US Marshals monitor the victims while in WPP?  Haas anyone ever purposefully blown their cover because they were tired of hiding?

Also, how are the towns selected?  Wouldn't it be kind of obvious or at the least suspicious if these random strangers kept appearing and disappearing in some little po' dunk town?  And then when they just disappear after awhile?  Well, that's assuming they ever move.  Has there ever been an occasion where a townspeerson has dug a little too deep and possibly uncovered some of the victims true past?

And what if the stories begin to overlap?  Assuming that more than one victim is sent to the same town more than once.  Are files kept that detail what covers have been used there before?  And what if the Feds positioned victims near a former person whom they did not get along with and that bitter individual blew their cover?  I'm sure the US gov't is meticulous but accidents do happen.  I wonder what the protocol is in a case like that....?

So many questions, and no answers.  I guess I'll have to make up my own.  ;)

Anniversary

It's been ten years since I've read my first explicit fictional story. Over the past five years or so, I've noticed a marked decline in my desire to write, overall.  I've penned a few ditties, here and there, but nothing substantial.

I remember when there weren't enough hours in the day to get through all the ideas I had for characters and scenarios.  But now, I seem content to keep all of this internal.  I must have blown through an entire tree during those first five years.  Luckily enough, I have most of those notebooks, and although it's somewhat painful to read over the juvenile plots and developments, the passion behind the words is unmistakable.  

I long for that passion again.  But thinking back, I believe fiction writing was more of a lifeboat I clung to in a desperate attempt to survive those tumultuous teenage years.  Ugh, what a horrible period in my life.  I can see a lot of that angst reflected in the works, the majority of which I have, boxed up.  It's painful to read over the juvenile plots and developments, but the works paralleled actual events in my life.  And with time, they grew and matured with me.

A bit like a timeline, a rather creative form of a diary....

I would like to pay homage to my 13-year old self by beginning to write again, in earnest.  I think I owe that much to the bewildered, downtrodden kid who began an interest that's spanned a decade.  

Here's to you, Little Mo.

Food

There's a garden in my backyard.  I know exactly where salad comes from. Which makes me think about what food I consume that I have no idea where the contents originate.

I've been reading Raj Patel's Stuffed and Starved and the more I read the more frustrated and saddened I become.  The politics of food is ingrained in nearly every aspect of our lives: food and poverty, food and international relations, food and gender.  And it's been this way for centuries, which means it's going to take a few more centuries to uproot this archaic and corrupt system.

One of the most amazing things I find concerns food and its pricing.  How and why is it that I price, for example, a 16 oz box of Cheerios. I can go to three different stores and find three different prices.  Why?  Is the most expensive box providing me with more nutrients?  More fulfillment?  More quantity?  I wish the gov't would regulate food prices to a greater extent than they do now.  And quit subsidising corn and sugar.  Those are two of the last things we need to be cheap.  

The one thing the gov't should be subsidising: fresh produce.  Lettuce, tomatoes, oranges, etc.  I actually know of young children who cannot identify a fresh pineapple or coconut.  The only exposure they've had to these fruits is after they have been processed.  How is it that people can't take their kids to a grocery store and give them a quick tour of the produce section?  Or that this (what I could consider) basic knowledge is taken for granted and not passed on?  

We as a society are failing when we make processed foods the norm so much so that our children have no idea that food is actually grown in fields, on trees and under the ground.