I have grown and matured alot since arriving in Seattle. It was almost as if Olympia primed me for the exponential emotional growth that was going to happen when I jumped 60 miles to the north. Or however farther north I now reside....
One of the attributes I'm most proud to have developed is the ability to know that I'm aggravated, annoyed, or otherwise ready to pick a fight... and then don't.
It's tough, esp since I grew up in a house where verbal attacks came as frequently as those daily thunderstorms and were just as severe. I had mastered the art of a sharp tongue before I had learned my 7x multiplication tables. That was in third grade, in case you were wondering.
Anyhow, it's been a ready and available coping mechanism for when I feel threatened, annoyed, or otherwise emotionally vulnerable. Combine that with the ability to hold a grudge like an alligator holds its prey, and you're looking at a bomb with a hair-trigger.
I've been steadily working these last few years to disable that part of my emotional response kit, because it's pretty emotionally immature and also a guarantee that I will pop off, and most of my popping off is a reaction, as opposed to conscious thought. Not cute, and not a way to be.
More recently, I've been having the clarity of mind to keep my head close enough to remember that sometimes silence is a more potent response than the most acidic of comments.
Basically I'm going for the same effect but with a different method. Either way seems pretty self-serving.... Hmm. Maybe I haven't matured at all, but rather I'm better at camouflaging my emotional immaturity....
Ah well. Things to continue to work on..... ;)
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