Oh, I forgot to post this so that I have documentation to hold myself accountable. I also need to do a FutureMe.org email for a quarterly check-in. But let me focus on this post.
Family and Reconnexion, Part Deux - During 2013 I re-prioritised my family and put a lot of energy into trying to re-build the connections that have weakened or that I haven't been nurturing. It was pretty productive--it feels really good to be in a place where I can text family and we have a level of established intimacy where we don't have to always talk about the weather. Ugh, I hate meteorological talk, but sometimes it's part of the process. This year I'm taking it further and really pushing to increase the level of intimacy with family who I talk with pretty regularly and also to reach out more (or again) to folks who haven't been as responsive during these past twelve months.
I'm also trying to balance it out with not only being the person who reaches out, because I'm not trying to have one-sided interactions. I want to focus more on building and nurturing authentic relationships where we're asking about each other and checking in with each other. I think it's important for the feelings of affection and care to be expressed somewhat equally.
I'm also looking to talk with family members about their stories and perspectives. I feel like I'm at a place in my life where I'm interested in personal culture and how that culture is held and passed on through people. Like the stories my grandmother has but hasn't had the opportunity to share, or the childhood of my dad. Things that have become more meaningful to me that I'm beginning to realise are not going to be readily available forever. I'm starting to feel the press of Time and I want to take time to talk with relatives about their stories.
Positive Self-Talk: Quit Stressing Myself the Fuq Out! - My friend DS recently helped me rethink the way I view (potential) romantic relationships. I stepped so far out of my comfort zone that it caused me to re-evaluate the things I do to psyche myself out of doing new things and of doing things differently. I've been reflecting these past few weeks, and I feel like I'm done with this negative self talk.
So for 2014, I'm going to more actively challenge my negative self chatter and work to unlearn this negativity. I've done a lot of new and brave things these past twelve months, and I'm eager to continue doing this (and more).
How am I doing this? Well, I've started by pushing back a little every time I think or muter a negative comment. It could be something like,
negative self-talk: Ugh, that's so stupid, why did I even try?
pushback: Ok. So, maybe it didn't work this time, but I now have the experience and I know that that particular method was not successful. Maybe it would work in a different scenario, so I'll shelve it, but effort should be checked with cold words. Now, five good things about your life right now GO!!
I know that the pushback will change and evolve--I'm going to work on documenting my pushback methods, because it's important to see what works and what doesn't. It will also help me to remember to be kind, gentle, and compassionate with myself.
Over-Communicating
My roomie AL was telling me how our other roomie CF gave advice about 'over-communicating', or really talking "too much" about things--particularly if there's conflict. I did it intentionally recently to much success and I've been doing it with friends for the past few months or so, without knowing it was an actual 'thing'. Now that I have a word for it though, I'm going to do it ALL THE TIME!!
Sometimes people tell me I'm 'too sensitive' or 'over-dramatic' but I'm living by my motto "Communicate or die." Now it's going to be "Over-communicate or die."
It's important to me to be quite clear with my intentions and expectations and whatever else, simply because I've spent so much of my life in the fog of my imagination. I also tend to project my emotions A LOT so it's easiest and healthiest for me to just go ahead and say what I'm feeling or what I think and have the other person respond, rather than letting my hyper-active imagination torture my tender Heart. Besides, it builds intimacy when I can be vulnerable with people I care about, and it just makes me feel better. I'm really, really working on prioritising my mental/emotional health.
Tapping Into My Intuition
I have a very strong Intuition. It's telling me things all the time. I'm going to work on recognising and heeding this gut feeling. My ancestors are constantly whispering in my ear--I'm going to be a better descendant and listen to them.
Resolutions
I don't usually make resolutions but these are a little more instant result ish.
1) Dance more! It helps me express joy and frustration and gets me back into my body and my new roomies love to dance and make music, and it's positively infectious.
2) Write more and more in-depth. I feel like I'm hitting a trough with my blog writing and I'm going to be challenging myself more to do deeper, more reflective writing. I think too that I need to begin sharing more of my writing in order to get feedback and also because sharing my process with others is really important to me. I might also take up fictional writing again. It's been more than a few years and I think my fingers are beginning to itch....
3) Socialise more and meet new people. Leaving Olympia is really helping me remember that I love people and building relationships. I feel like Seattle has a lot of opportunities, and I'm ready to tap into them.
4) Keep growing my hair out. Maybe locs, maybe twists, maybe just cornrows foreva. I'll figure it out when I get some real length. It's good to my cultural reconnexion, it's good for my gender, and it's good to dig my fingers into my hair again. It helps keep me calm.
5) Making people laugh more. I feel like I am remembering what a joyous person I am and I really wanna share that joy with others.
6) Listening more to others. Just in general, and more specifically when there's a conflict or if the other person just needs an ear.
7) Eat more sesame balls. They're gluten-, dairy-, and egg-free and they make me deliriously happy, so why the fuq not??
8) Go with the flow. I've spent a lot of my childhood and adult life freaking out about things I can't control. Why fight it? I have all of these skills for coping and adapting to change--I'm going to use them and continue learning how to relax when things veer (or get back on) Course.
9) Find and engage in more intellectual stimulation. I want to read more fiction by authors of colour and do math/science-y stuff and make music. I want to use my brain in new and exciting and challenging ways.
10) Tell people the nice things I think/feel about them. I have a lot of loved ones who tell me they feel really validated when I notice the things they do or the things they are working on in themselves. I think it's important to witness people in their processes, and it's something I really wanna do more of. Especially if it means that I can make someone smile or feel Seen.
No comments:
Post a Comment