Today Is Not For Myself

This is my graduation speech.  I'll put it on Youtube in a bit.

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When I decided to transfer to The Evergreen State College, I honestly had NO idea what I was getting myself into.  I traded the soul-cushing conservatism of the Florida swamps for the psuedo-liberalism of the rainy Pacific Northwest. It was a shock--not only does the Sun disappear in October and might show up by mid-May, but my Southern straight-forwardness and attitude was not readily welcome.  But like a good Gemini, I adapted.  I take my vitamin D supplements religiously, my vocabulary now includes things like 'gluten-free' and 'trustfundarian' and my ability to have compassion for others has grown.

On a day like today, I look around this room and I see the people who comprise my Community.  All of you have left a mark on my experience, whether either of us knows it or not.  Some are good, some not so good... and still others who I could not have imagined making it this far without.  On a day like today, I look around this room for faces that I know are not here.  My natal family.   I hope that in the future, the compassion I have uncovered within myself will help rebuild those bridges.

On a day like today... I know it is not for myself.

This day is for my mother, who endured the Horrors of a childhood of poverty and abuse and escaped, only to fall in the open arms of Uncle Sam and his military industrial complex.  For my mother through who I saw an experienced the pain and neglect the US government--my government--inflicts upon the bodies of poor women of colour.  For my  mother, who I can never look in the mirror without seeing, because I have her face.  For my mother, who showed me that yes, leaving behind your home can be frightening, but sometimes it's necessary in order to find yourself.  Today is for you Maisy.

Hoy es para mi papa who came into my life when I was four, and who I called 'Puppy', because I couldn't pronounce 'Papi' (Spanish for dad).  Para mi papa, whose kindness and gentle smile brightened a dark childhood.  Para mi papa, who taught me that food is culture and food is love.  Para mi papa, who showed me that family is not always something you are born into; it's something you can create.  Hoy es para ti papa.

Today is for my sister, Carmen, who I didn't really like for the first eighteen years of her life (She's 20 now.)  For my sister, with whom I fought with and beat up on in the hopes that she would leave me alone (she didn't).  For my sister, who always tried to reach out for Love, and I so often snubbed.  For my sister, who I have had the honour of watching grow into a beautiful young woman, and become a fierce mama.  For my sister, who endures so much hardship and inspires me so much with her Strength.  I would do anything for you, all you need to do is ask.  Today is for you Tita.

Today is for Baby Leo, my sister's child, who I remember holding for the first time and seeing the dark fierceness in their eyes.  And I fell in love.  For Baby Leo, who had the will to survive.  For Baby Leo, whose cries make my Heart ache and their laugh makes my spirit soar.  For baby Leo, so your path may be made a little easier.  For Baby Leo, who I haven't seen in nearly a year, but my Heart tells me the distance between us will be bridged with time.  Today is for you , little one.

Today is for my children.

Today is for my little cousins.

Today is for my grandmother, and my late grandfather.

Today is for my ancestors.

Today is for me... because I never thought I would make it to this day, and I wouldn't have, without you....