Heartbreak

Sometimes it's amazing when I realise how many people carry around pieces of my Heart.  Baby leo has a big one, and the kid doesn't even know.

Every time I hear him cry, it's like my Heart is being squeezed. He's fat and happy, but the circumstances aren't the best. And it breaks my Heart to know that people are treating my sister poorly and that it will impact his environment.

Unnecessary stress.

Abuse.

Neglect.

The usual in my family, but I had hoped time would heal, and perhaps would foster a bit of respect.  But Hope fails, and the feeling of powerlessness is overwhelming.  It's hard to feel like I can implement any type of change if I can't even care for my sister.  I wish... I wish for so many things.  Money.  Time. The ability to be diplomatic yet scathing when I enumerate the exact ways in which their cruelty and apathy have wounded me for far too long, and when they are old and in pain and in need, I will turn them away as they have done to me my entire Life.  Oh how I wish...

But I can't, because I must have some... compassion.  I'm working on it, but in situations like thee, it's very easy to lose my humanity and go on a psychotic rampage.  An ugly Gemini indeed.

The only thing that sustains me is escape.  Escape and the knowledge that once I am able, I will get my sister and Baby Leo out of that house, out of Florida (if they wish) and somewhere where they both can thrive.

But when will that day come?  Is it in the foreseeable future, because I can't see it. Right now my only lifeline is knowing that things are stabalised for now, and the fact that if I can write amazing scholarship essays, I will be able to use the money to get them out.  If I don't get them though...

Well, I'm a Gemini.  I'll figure something out.  :/