One Year Ago...

One year ago I started T!  And what a year it's been.

I'm in the process of writing about my experiences, comparing what I feel and who I am now to where I was and who I was last year.

It feels really good to 1) be one year removed and 2) to have grown emotionally so fucking much and to be able to look back and actually say, "Yeah, I've actually done a lot of thinking and processing and growing and I'm happy with the person I see myself as now."

I think emotional growth is the place I was lacking the most. Well, while I've made huge strides, I still have a long way to go.

And that's good. I wanna stay learning about ways to become a kinder, more compassionate, emotionally healthy person.

Fucking White People!!

this is a rant-post

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Ever have those moments when you're gonna hang out with a poc friend or a group of poc friends and it's gonna be so awesome.... until you have that one friend (y'all know who I'm talking about) who decides at the last minute--without consulting anyone--that they're gonna invite their fucking white friend??

OMG I DO!!

I fucking H A T E when that shit happens!!

And I just know when that situation arises, it's on some untrained white shit. My white friends, or at least mutual white friends of my poc friends, fucking KNOW BETTER. My white friends fucking KNOW that they do not show up at poc hangouts unless they know every poc at the hangout. And shit, even if they do, they STILL know that we will be justfine without their white asses joining in.

Aiight, but let's talk about those poc friends who pull this shit.

WHAT THE FUCK THO?! Can't we have anything? Not one goddamned thing? Not even three hours to hangout in a poc space and build community? Not even 180  white-free minutes?

I mean, g a w d we live in the Pacific Northwest!! White people are crawling around here like roaches on a compost pile in Southern Florida in August. We sing, we dance, we put on those smiles, we wipe away white tears for white folks all the time.

The assault is so real. It's literally killing us.

And now we can't even eat in peace!!

This type of shit makes me re-evaluate relationships. And then when I bring it up, I'm the angry Black person.

shiiiit.....

Ready to Return

I am ready to return to the South.

I feel like I've been out of context for these past three years. I've ben speaking a language that's not my own. I've been acting out behaviours that aretn' my own. I've been slowly suffocating and leaching my Spirit, simultaneously.

I don't think it was a mistake to come out here--indeed, I needed the space to grow and realise who I am and what work I'm supposed to be doing during my time here. it feels really good to reflect on what I've learnt and how I can use those lessons and skills to take them back to the South.

I' excited to discover what's in store.

Crushes

so many crushes, so little time...

well, actually there is enough time. I just need to manage mine a little better

Hello, Seattle

i'm so happy that this has finally happened. I didn't think I'd be living in Seattle, but I'm learning to re-think a lot of things. 

I'm happy to be here, happy to be out of Oly.  So glad I made it out.