Thanksgiving

I enjoy the food, the friends, and the fun.

This year I attended great celebration.  I think the reason why I never particularly enjoyed the holidays was because I was not keeping good company.  But that's changed now.

Let the good times roll.

Attraction

I've been thinking recently about attraction; to things, places and people.  But right now I want to focus specifically on people.

I've been felling attraction to different people lately, but thanks to ZL, I'm taking a step back and analysing what exactly is drawing me to a particular individual.  It's the anthropologist in me. :)

With some people, it's like a white-hot flash: instantaneous and strong.  Others, I feel a slow build and still others, it's non-existent until after a few more encounters.  And I wonder why this is....  Why is it that attraction is felt differently with different individuals??

I was speaking to some friends about this a few weeks past.  They have their own system of attraction.  They both view people they know in a strict binary: friends or potential intimate partners.   thought this was highly interesting because I don't normally categorise people; I always can imagine the greater potential of any relationship I'm in, whether superficial, friendship or other.  It's an interesting concept, and I've been wondering why....

I've met or gotten to know some new individuals and I find myself attracted to them.  And before I run off with the cart and leave the Horse behind, I'm trying really really hard to take a deep breath and nail down why I'm drawn to these individuals.  There must be something in particular that has drawn my attention....

And a similar topic to this is repulsion by certain individuals.  I've felt tension and unease around people throughout my lifetime, and now I'm beginning to wonder where it all stems from.  Where does any of it come from...?

Intuition.

Appease

Definition of APPEASE

transitive verb

1: to bring to a state of peace or quiet : calm

2: to cause to subside : allay <appeased my hunger>

3: pacify, conciliate; especially : to buy off (an aggressor) by concessions usually at the sacrifice of principles 

I feel I've been wearing kid-gloves for the past few weeks.  I hate gloves, and now I'm taking them off.

I've had people tell me I need to be "more sensitive," "more accommodating," and "less controlling."  ...If you think I'm bad, wait until you leave the cushy Northwest and venture to the East.  I look like a cupcake compared to some of the folk walking around there.

Yet at the same time, I'm questioning the motives behind these passive/aggressive demands being made of me.  It's almost like I'm being forced to conform to the counter-culture.  And here I thought Evergreen was so progressive....  No, it's just like everywhere else, with an emphasis on being clique-ish.  I thought I had left high school....

 And it also has something to do with being an adult.  There are people who aren't 'nice' or 'considerate' or even in the realm of 'courteous'.  You work with them, they're your boss, they're your roommates, they're your family members.  Live. Learn. Deal.

But perhaps it's the individuals with whom I'm interacting....  I definitely see some toxicity in some of the relationships I have.  At least now I have the perspective and experience and wherewithal to back the truck up before I become even more emotionally invested.  It's definitely not worth the time and stress.

Life's too short to devote precious energy to those who don't deserve it.

Control

This kind of goes along with Push.

I am a controlling individual, in some aspects.  I learnt as a child that if you aren't in control, then someone will control you.  Yet as I grow older, that idea is becoming more nuanced and layered.

Many take my "controlling" exterior at face value.

Professionally, I actually hate having to sit at the helm of things.  I'd much rather be in the background coordinating activities and let someone else handle all the bureaucratic details, or (even better) opting out of an authority position altogether.  The only reason I step up is if someone is doing a shoddy job, or everyone else is even lazier than me and doesn't want to take responsibility.

Personally, I like to keep a variety of personalities around so that I can swing back and forth between having to handle situations and letting other have a go.

Intimately... well I guess you'd have to be in that position to find out. ;)

Overall, I try to keep a balance in my life.  I have a mild God-complex which I acknowledge rears its head sometimes, but that is tempered by my inner Sloth.  I'm a Gemini (with a Scorpio moon), and therefore I encompass the best of both worlds.  :-)

Nice

I thought the climate change would be the biggest adjustment to moving to the Pacific North west.  No, although I haven't been properly warm since I left Orlando.

Now, I know I'm not the cuddliest person, but I have been known to display kindness every so often.  But here I have to be Pacific Northwest Nice, which entails being nice and considerate and thoughtful all of the time, and in a way that really challenges my own patience (and those around me).

Yes, I'm callous, and brash and crude, and that works fine in the South and the East in general.  But here I'm stomping on toes left and right.  So if I don't want the Olympia Bridge to go up in flames, I'm going to have to compromise.  I'm learning how to handle different types of people, and that'll be good for later in life.

I'm keeping everything in perspective, cause Olympia is just a pit-stop on my journey....

Intuition

Sometimes you just know, you know....


Logic gets in the way of intuition.  I'm beginning to re-realise that. I'd say I'm a fair judge of character, but then I try to rationalise the reasons why I do or don't like a person, in any capacity.

Thinking back, I've let rationalisation cloud my judgement, and that has led to some toxic relationships.  But I'm pig-headed, no offence to the pig, and I have to learn by firsthand, seemingly ever time.

But now I'm ready to listen to my instincts, which will save time and energy.