Guiding Stars

I've decided to go back to school in January. For an AAS in Business.

It's caught me a little off guard, but I think I have the head for it, and I certainly have the personality for it--driven, intelligent, attention to details, an insufferable perfectionist who will tell anybody how to do their job better. Little things like that.

This decision came after trying--and failing--to find a job as an administrative assistant. I'm still a little appalled at how strongly a degree makes a difference as to whether someone will reply to your inquiry email. I mean my cover letter smashes, but without the 'necessary' education, I might as well not have applied at all.

Recently, I've been wondering about what i'm actually going to do once I obtain this wondrous business degree. I mean, duh, I can be an accountant or a secretary, or work in HR, but those jobs are strictly to pay the bill.

What about happiness? Is there a way for me to combine my love of organisation with something that feeds my Soul?

The great question of our generation. It seems to be the Exception, not the Rule. I have found very few in my age cohort who have a job that pays their bills AND gives them some satisfaction other than fiscal.

Sometimes I wish I was 30 and could just have it all sorted out. And then I thought the other day, "Gods what if I don't have it figured out by then??!"

Best to keep my head in the present and pretend like I know that whay I'm planning to do will lead to some type of future stability.

Self-Restraint

I have grown and matured alot since arriving in Seattle. It was almost as if Olympia primed me for the exponential emotional growth that was going to happen when I jumped 60 miles to the north. Or however farther north I now reside....

One of the attributes I'm most proud to have developed is the ability to know that I'm aggravated, annoyed, or otherwise ready to pick a fight... and then don't.

It's tough, esp since I grew up in a house where verbal attacks came as frequently as those daily thunderstorms and were just as severe. I had mastered the art of a sharp tongue before I had learned my 7x multiplication tables. That was in third grade, in case you were wondering.

Anyhow, it's been a ready and available coping mechanism for when I feel threatened, annoyed, or otherwise emotionally vulnerable. Combine that with the ability to hold a grudge like an alligator holds its prey, and you're looking at a bomb with a hair-trigger.

I've been steadily working these last few years to disable that part of my emotional response kit, because it's pretty emotionally immature and also a guarantee that I will pop off, and most of my popping off is a reaction, as opposed to conscious thought. Not cute, and not a way to be.

More recently, I've been having the clarity of mind to keep my head close enough to remember that sometimes silence is a more potent response than the most acidic of comments.

Basically I'm going for the same effect but with a different method. Either way seems pretty self-serving.... Hmm. Maybe I haven't matured at all, but rather I'm better at camouflaging my emotional immaturity....

Ah well. Things to continue to work on..... ;)

The Itch

I've been feeling the itch to create--to write--for the past few weeks. I've also been telling myself--also for the past few weeks--that I have neglected my blogs for far too long and on, won't I go back and pretend like I know what to do on one of them?

Here's my attempt.