Cravings

Lately, I've been craving sweets.  And milk products.  Which can only mean one thing: menses is pending.

But luckily this month, my sweet tooth has been limited to sweet almond croissants from the San Francisco Street Bakery.  Usually it's the sweetest most processed thing I can get my hands on, which only leads to disaster (read: tantrums).  I need to make sure I get some every day.  It's the least I can do for my mental health.

The milk and potato craving, I've figured out, is actually a desire for calcium, something I need to ensure my uterus doesn't spasm out and chain me to the toilet.  It's pretty simple, but it's surprising how often I forget until it's too late.

Hopefully I'll do better this cycle.  So far so good, but you never know...

Spring Fever

As it turns out, I am not the only one who feels like shagging everyone in sight (after the strenuous screening process, of course).  I wonder if Venus is moving around and affecting affections?  Hmm.....

Dairy

After a weekend of bingeing on dairy, I remember why I'm on a dairy-free diet.

I've been eating cheese.  I had cow's milk in my oatmeal yesterday. I had kefir this morning.  The kefir made me physically sick; I could barely finish the glass.  -______-

I hadn't really realised how dairy effected my body until I stopped drinking cow's milk about one year ago.  It wasn't really a choice, but I couldn't afford it, and it was too heavy to carry home from the food bank.  But I left it behind, and switched to cheese instead. I noticed my health improve, and attributed it to dropping the cow's milk.  I made a point of avoiding cow's milk.  I eventually moved to soy yogurt and even slowed down on my ice cream intake (but that was more sugar reduction rather than dairy).  

Recently I've stopped eating cheese because I know my body does not like it.  But then I started getting ill.  Not ill as in sick, but muscle spasms and cramps.  And there was my period last month, which felt like my uterus and most of my internal organs were trying to escape through my belly button.  Not fun.  So I turned to kefir, which is supposedly gentler on systems than cow's milk.  

NOT SO!!  I've had so much upset stomach and gurgles, it's ridiculous.  I bought kefir this morning, but I think I'm going to give it away or use it to cook or bake.I'll find another means to get my daily calcium. Even though my muscles are happy. -___-

I might just start eating more leafy greens.  And slow down on the cheese and kefir.  Hm.... 

Dreams

Last night I had a really... interesting dream.  Well, two that I recall, but one in particular.

The first one was where I was having rather aggressive sex with a friend... whom I'm not attracted to at all.  It was like bonobo aggressive, which isn't really aggressive, just vigorous.  Bonobos are hilarious. I would actually go to a zoo to watch them get it on, because it's so ridiculous.  Wait, is that bestiality?  Hmm.... But I never feel awkward after having sexual dreams with people.  I'll probably just give them a hug and laugh to myself.

In the second dream I was the main character in the TV show Fringe, Olivia Dunham.  I was trying to solve a mystery (just like in this horrifyingly scary show) and I knew I just knew that I was gonna get kilt.  Cause I was a white woman.  And there wasn't any male to save me.  This dream disturbed me more than the other one.  

Dreams is crazy.  I wish I could just sleep and wake up and go about my day without creepy-ass dreams like this.

Ill

I hate being sick!!  I HATE BEING SICK!!  I NEVER GET SICK! WHAT THE HELL?!!!

I love how when I'm finallyf eeling emotionally at peace, when I've stopped fighting with my gender and we're finally holding hands and skipping off together into the sunset, I get sick.  My Body has betrayed me.  -_________-

I just had a thought.  What if it's all the kefir I've been drinking?   Hmm....

It might be the fact that I haven't washed my water bottle in about two months.  Hmm...

It might be because someone was hacking and I inhaled their germs.  Hmmm

It might be because my body needs a break from being so unbelievably strong.  Hmm

It might be because...  dunno. But I'm going to go to sleep.

Savvina

If you don't know who Savvina is... well, you'd best get your ass over to Evergreen and meet her.  She's a phenomenal individual, and I love her more than I can say.  She's one of the main people who helped me make it through my first year at Evergreen.  Without her... well, I'd be even more of a hot mess than I am right now.

I just ran into her a few moments ago, and managed to give her the thank you card I made.  I also came out to her as trans and told her my new pronoun as 'he' and 'they'. It was surprisingly easy, and she was great about it. She even asked me if I had a preferred name.  But then Savvina is one of the sweetest people I've ever met.  And she's a great cook, just sayin'.

But yes, my love and appreciation for Savvina run deep.  She's like an auntie.  I have to make sure I give her than handmade card my mum made 

Foster Parent

One day, I am going to be a foster parent.  I really, really like making other people's kids my own; I've been doing it for seven years with the little ones.  And I think I have enough... whatever it is--love, endurance, willpower-- to do it.

As usual, my imagination is taking off with this idea of helping the kids who need it most have a safe, loving home.  But I know it's not so cut and dry.  I've already begun researching Washington's system, although I don't plan on fostering in this state.  But eh, things change. I may find myself here longer than I anticipate.

My child development background gives me an edge and will most likely be looked at as an asset, but I don't plan on seeking out the wee ones.  The youngest age I want is four.  I'm rather tired of nappies and toilet training.... -__-  I want a kid that can dress their-self and go to school.  I want to help my kid with homework and teach them how to cook and nurture their interests.  I want my kid to know that stability and love are possibilities in this world...  And there I go again assuming foster kids have never known these things. Oh, my 6 Nurturing attitude is showing....

But that's what I want, a brood of little brown and black bodies tumbling around my living room.  God, I love other people's kids!!

tbc....

Self-Attack

It's been a few years, but this morning, my body tried to kill me.  I'm not laughing and I'm not exaggerating.  I almost died.

I woke up around 845 to a backache.  After gathering my wits and realising that blood was again exiting through my vagina, and shuffled tot eh bathroom (you would really think by now I would be expecting this monthly occurrence and have supplies by the bedside).  When I made it tot eh bathroom, I cleaned up and went back to bed.  About two minutes later I felt this strange sensation of my intestine moving plant materials toward by colon.  And that was when I cringed, because I knew this was going to be one wild ride.  I laid in bed for as long as I could, in denial, then shuffled again tot he restroom. This vis t lasted much longer.

I felt like my body was trying to squeeze every bit of matter out of my body.  I wouldn't have bee surprised if my spleen or gallbladder had dropped out, the cramping was so terrible.  It hadn't been that way in years.  And I dreaded, because the last time I felt like body organs were being squeezed from my body, it wasn't only through the toilet, it was also into a trashcan.

And I was right.  After emptying my entire intestinal tract, and as I was writhing on the cold bathroom tiles in pain, the bile rose.  I hurried tot eh toilet and retched.  Luckily, the Korean BBQ I'd eaten last night moved quickly enough that it went down instead of up.  I can only imagine if that food had come up....  :grimace:  Actually I'm not sure about that one.  Because having spicy Korean food come out as a searingly painful bowel movement was... like acid.  Esp when it was in it's raw form and not completely digested.

I continued to alternate between diarrhea and vomiting for the next.... I dunno. I lost track of time, but it had to have been at least 20 minutes.  I thought I was going to die.  I know I exaggerate--it's the Southerner in me (tall drinks and tall tales)--but the last time I'd been in this state I was 17.  I had cold sweats, I was hot and cold at the same time, body aches and shivering.  You'd have thought I had food poisoning.  But no, this is just my body punishing me for ignoring it.

How have I been ignoring my body?

Usually, when my uterus is going to take me for a wild ride, I get a horrible backache and I up my iron intake.  And I did that.  But I also made the mistake of forgetting the advice my friend's mom Christine gave me.  Iron is important during menses, but calcium is also crucial.  She determined this when I told her how I crave potatoes and spinach and how these foods are high in iron.  She also told me they are rich in calcium, which my body has been lacking since I quit drinking cow's milk.

I want to make an official public apology to my body.  I've been a bit out of tune with it because there have been so many mental issues demanding my attention.  :(  But no more!  As I work my way back up to full-size meals (it'll take a few days after the violent shrinking of my stomach), calcium will be a part of every meal.  Cow yogurt, soy yogurt, and I will finish that spinach and potatoes.  I also think I'll find a multivitamin with calcium, because surprisingly the one I take doesn't have it....  WTH!!  >__<

Spring Rolls

When I was in San Diego, I made spring rolls for Breena's going away extravaganza.  We did a crap job--IMO--but they were totally fun to make.  And I want to do it again.  Fast forward to Olympia, yesterday, and I'm browsing the eyes of the Asian market by the Westside taco truck.  I found rice paper (duh).  The best part: THEY ACEEPT EBT!

Now I'm going to make spring rolls with my friend PSM.  I"m so stoked!  I'm excited to do the shopping, the prep and the eating.  I love spring rolls.  As long as there is not cucumber.  Cucumber makes me ill.  Just thinking about it makes me want to hug a toilet bowl....

Migraines

I have migraines, or so says my doctor.  Usually I'm able to stave them off with good food, less stress and adequate amounts of sleep.

HOwever, since returning to Olympia--it's only been 48 hours!!--I've had two.  When they hit me on campus, I can usually remedy them with greasy pizza and a Dr Pepper.  Today that method did not work, and I had to resort to medication.

The pills are supposed to be 'rescue medication' which means I take it as soon as I detect the migraine.  I had already done the pizza and soda, and I need to be minimally grouchy  during my work shift, so I resorted to the pill.  Maybe it would have worked if I had taken it at noon, when the pains began.  Now I have a migraine and I feel nauseous.  Luckily if I'm entertained and engaged in an activity, I don't notice the need to crouch over a toilet bowl.  But as I'm currently sitting in an uncomfortable chair on display at the Information Desk, I'm not.

I just want to go home and go to sleep.  :(