Reciprocity & Care

Sometimes, I feel this is an unending inner dialogue....

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I have a lot of people I know, most of them are acquaintances, some of them are friends because we've managed to establish a level of intimacy.  A few of those friends have my trust, but even within that select group, I have even fewer I'd actually ask for help from.  And I wonder where that stems from.

Maybe it's because I always offer people help, I expect folks to know me well enough and pay attention to my cues enough to offer before I need to ask.  Like if someone  know is in a tough situation, I imagine what my needs and wants would be, and I go from there. Is it because I'm really thoughtful, or are others are unintentionally thoughtless?  Maybe the folks around me aren't as observant as I am?  Or maybe I'm that unreadable?  Am I too expectant and assumptive? Demanding? :/

Maybe I have this anticipatory response in nurturing others because whenever I was unwell and my Maisy took care of me, she responded to my needs before they even arose. Food, drink, potty breaks, medicine.  She made certain things were within reach and had me on such a tight schedule that I never had to ask.  Maybe this care and attentiveness has made me super-conscious of how to care for others.  Maybe I was spoiled by her great bedside manner.

And maybe I'm super cranky cause it's been a rough couple of months and I feel mentally and emotionally depleted, and then these accidents happened yesterday.  ... And maybe I just really miss my Maisy and the amazing way she took care of me.