Identity

I've been pondering my identity lately, now that I am finding my niche.

Specifically, I've been thinking about how I feel so much more comfortable around Latin@s and "Hispanics" than with any other race or ethnic group.  I'm fairly sure it stems from being around that particular group more than any other growing up, unless you count white folk, but we'll talk about that at some other time.  But being most comfortable around Latin@s makes me feel like a traitor.

I've always felt that there is some sort of hoop I have to jump through in order to be considered "Black enough".  I know the pressure is coming mostly from fucken mainstream society and it's discussing caricatures of "Black" people, but also the Black people I am around daily who have internalised these images and (mis)representations.

It's frustrating and infuriating the damage the mainstream media has done to communities of colour, and particularly the Black community. There is so much strength and power within us; it's make s me feel helpless to know that it's going to take such a long time for our Community to rise up again.

So I'm not sure where that leaves me. I identify as a Black person, but i feel so connected to the Latin@ community.  Hmm... I have a feeling this might be what my sister, who is bi-racial, experiences. Or any person who identifies as multi-racial/multiethnic. Damn this sucks.

I've said to people who are multi-whatever that they shouldn't feel a need to choose, that they should embrace their diversity and be a part of whichever community they want. But it doesn't seem so easy....

I think the worst part is that I'm not latin@ in anyway. I grew up in the culture, but it was intermittent, and not something I can check on a box.  But I feel that shouldn't be the dealbreaker... but then again, I'm not Latin@ and I feel I can't claim the culture as my own.  But am I trying to...?

Ah, such questions....

I'm not quite sure what is going on anymore. I'm pretty sure I'm just looking for Home, and I identify home with Spanish speakers. I grew up in a predominantly Spanish speaking neighborhood, reggaeton blasted from low riders all times of the night, and I would hear more Spanish on the bus than English. I grew up eating rice & beans and listening to salsa.  But again, does that give me a right to claim the culture as my own. There's so much more to a culture than music and language and food.

I'm going to have to bounce this off a few Mechistas and get back to this topic.