I ripped this from Nikki's blog, the idea was so good. :)
1. Same-sex marriage gets legalised. Yes, it will lead to the death of the family as we know it. But who has a 'normal' family as according to The Man? It's time to quit shovelling around that heterosexist, patriarchal rhetoric and think outside the box. It's 2010.
2. The bridges between the communities of colour in the queer community start to heal. Were all oppressed by sexism, racism, classism and heteronormativity; let's form a united front to change it!!
3. The bridge between the queer community of colour and the White queer community is reforged. We need to realise our differences are a source of strength and solidarity, and we are all worthy of equal rights, respect, and dignity. Yes, that means we have to talk about racism.
4. Transpeople get the rights and respect they deserve. All colours, all pronouns, all of them deserve huge props for the strength and determination they have to express themselves in a very hostile binary society.
5. More media representation of queers of colour. Hell I'd be happy with more people of colour being depicted in the media, so long as it's accurate and not perpetuating those disgusting stereotypes that make it hard for people of colour to go about our daily lives. As for having more queer people of colour in the media, that would help break down the barriers and start creating more acceptance within our own communities in general.
6. Families of queer persons be more accepting. For all queers many times, it's not worth losing the support of family members (financially, emotionally, etc.) by coming out. I understand. And people of colour have different elements that oppress them (racism, exotification of people of colour, etc.) and family is a ready-made safety net when things go bad. It's a slippery slope and everyone makes the choice that is right for them.
7. We develop or borrow an appropriate pronoun for those individuals who do not identify or want to be addressed as 'he' or 'she'. They is really, really tough for me to remember, and the Ze thing really isn't working for me. Can't we just take a page out of Indonesia's five-gender system and use hir? It's close enough to the norm so as not to be difficult to integrate, but still does the trick.
8. Everyone is free to express their gender as they please. Not gonna happen within my lifetime, but maybe in my next one.
This is a half wishlist half to-do list. There are so many agencies out there working to change the status quo; I need to get involved with some. Or start one. ;)
30 December 2010
19 December 2010
A Critical Analysis of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Recently I read a comment from an online author I frequent, proclaiming that she was angry at a L&O:SVU's portrayal of lesbians as "drug addicts in... obsessive dysfunctional relationship[s]". Yes, I agree this is a gross misrepresentation. But then I began to think, At least her demographic, a White lesbian, is being represented. How often are people of colour portrayed on L&O, much less queers of colour....?
And so I have to contest her remark with: is it better to be portrayed in a slanted light, or simply not mentioned at all? Would inaccuracies be better than silence? Initially, I chose the former, because at least then, a conversation can be started.
And then I thought about all the episodes I've watched (over 150 and counting) and also about all the people of colour in antagonistic roles.... There is a very racist trend going on in this show, even among the characters of colour.
Tamara Tunie's (Medical Examiner Warner) and Ice-T's (Fin Tutuola) characters are of African descent, but they are very light-skinned and are more readily accepted by Whites. Along with BD Wong, (SVU psychiatrist), and sometimes Joel de la Fuente, they are the only recurring characters of colour on the show. However, they do not have consistently active roles in the series.
The villains are often portrayed by light-skinned and, possibly, mixed race actors, increasing their acceptance by the white target audience and alienating those with darker skin tones. Very few queer characters are present, and when they are it usually is not in the most progressive light. The fact that the producers have been dangling Detective Olivia Benson's sexuality over everyone's heads for the past decade does not help.
I've been trying my best to keep my lens of SVU superficial, but I think the bubble has burst. My relationship with the show is coming to a close. I think I'm going to give NBC a piece of my
mind before I depart though.... Those mindless conglomerates like to hear what their viewers have to say right?
p[s
And so I have to contest her remark with: is it better to be portrayed in a slanted light, or simply not mentioned at all? Would inaccuracies be better than silence? Initially, I chose the former, because at least then, a conversation can be started.
And then I thought about all the episodes I've watched (over 150 and counting) and also about all the people of colour in antagonistic roles.... There is a very racist trend going on in this show, even among the characters of colour.
Tamara Tunie's (Medical Examiner Warner) and Ice-T's (Fin Tutuola) characters are of African descent, but they are very light-skinned and are more readily accepted by Whites. Along with BD Wong, (SVU psychiatrist), and sometimes Joel de la Fuente, they are the only recurring characters of colour on the show. However, they do not have consistently active roles in the series.
The villains are often portrayed by light-skinned and, possibly, mixed race actors, increasing their acceptance by the white target audience and alienating those with darker skin tones. Very few queer characters are present, and when they are it usually is not in the most progressive light. The fact that the producers have been dangling Detective Olivia Benson's sexuality over everyone's heads for the past decade does not help.
I've been trying my best to keep my lens of SVU superficial, but I think the bubble has burst. My relationship with the show is coming to a close. I think I'm going to give NBC a piece of my
mind before I depart though.... Those mindless conglomerates like to hear what their viewers have to say right?
p[s
14 December 2010
Labels (Pt. 2?)
I hate the terms 'butch' and 'femme' and most of all 'dyke'. I just have these horrible visual conjured up in my mind's eye when I think of them. It makes me want to scratch something until it screams for mercy. I keep thinking 'how the hell are we going to move forward to equality for all when we have these gross labels holding us back'?
But then I remember that humans are labelers. We need categories to organise our world. That doesn't mean I have to acknowledge those crass terms. :Snape-worthy sneer:
I have a feeling I've blogged about this before, but I'm too lazy to go back and check. I just had to get this agitation out of my system, so I can focus on my last bit of schoolwork.
But then I remember that humans are labelers. We need categories to organise our world. That doesn't mean I have to acknowledge those crass terms. :Snape-worthy sneer:
I have a feeling I've blogged about this before, but I'm too lazy to go back and check. I just had to get this agitation out of my system, so I can focus on my last bit of schoolwork.
05 December 2010
???
I had this half-formed idea about a great blog I could post... and then I brought up a new box and I felt the idea literally dry up.
I'm finding more and more often that I'm losing my focus when it come to imagined things. I could have felled trees to write down the ideas and stories that I've conjured up over the years. And now I'm having trouble creating daydreams.
I feel like a chimney with a stopped-up flue; all the soot and ash is backing up. I know how to solve the problem. Now the only issue is how to act. Or maybe react....
Precipice
Whenever I think of cliffs and precipices, I always imagine the ones that are in Scotland? Ireland? I know it's somewhere in the northern British Isles with a cold, angry ocean beneath. I think I indulged in too many Old English tales as a child....
It's times like these that I feel I really see things as they are. There is no haze of love and happiness, just... reality. I find that I need the buffer in order to function. I think it's a human need. Let's see, according to Maslow, our basic needs are: air, water, shelter, food, and sex. Walking up the pyramid, we pass by safety and security and on to love and belonging. Love and belonging.... Next are esteem and finally self-actualisation. It's good to know that psychology degree isn't going to waste.
I'm glad that even in my emotional troughs, and I am entirely overdramatic, I can keep perspective. I just recalled that I went through this same emotional tumult when I started off at UCF. Ugh, the drama of the College Democrats. We put the 'fun' in dysfunctional. I reckon it was around this same three-month mark that the strain began to really show. I would know only, I deleted that blog. Five years worth of knowledge gone. Damn. Talk about impulsive and irrational.
I think I'm done here. TG my words are finally flowing again. maybe now I can finish those two bloody assignments. >:/
03 December 2010
Boundaries
I now know what the hell everybody is talking about when they speak of "boundaries". Let me define it as I understand, just as a point of reference.
Setting boundaries is being assertive and making one's needs known ahead of time in a relationship order to avoid compromising and potentially upsetting situations.
I'm learning how to do this only because I've been having such a rough adjustment period to this Pacific Northwest. Live and learn.
27 November 2010
Thanksgiving
I enjoy the food, the friends, and the fun.
This year I attended great celebration. I think the reason why I never particularly enjoyed the holidays was because I was not keeping good company. But that's changed now.
Let the good times roll.
This year I attended great celebration. I think the reason why I never particularly enjoyed the holidays was because I was not keeping good company. But that's changed now.
Let the good times roll.
18 November 2010
Attraction
I've been thinking recently about attraction; to things, places and people. But right now I want to focus specifically on people.
I've been felling attraction to different people lately, but thanks to ZL, I'm taking a step back and analysing what exactly is drawing me to a particular individual. It's the anthropologist in me. :)
With some people, it's like a white-hot flash: instantaneous and strong. Others, I feel a slow build and still others, it's non-existent until after a few more encounters. And I wonder why this is.... Why is it that attraction is felt differently with different individuals??
I was speaking to some friends about this a few weeks past. They have their own system of attraction. They both view people they know in a strict binary: friends or potential intimate partners. thought this was highly interesting because I don't normally categorise people; I always can imagine the greater potential of any relationship I'm in, whether superficial, friendship or other. It's an interesting concept, and I've been wondering why....
I've met or gotten to know some new individuals and I find myself attracted to them. And before I run off with the cart and leave the Horse behind, I'm trying really really hard to take a deep breath and nail down why I'm drawn to these individuals. There must be something in particular that has drawn my attention....
And a similar topic to this is repulsion by certain individuals. I've felt tension and unease around people throughout my lifetime, and now I'm beginning to wonder where it all stems from. Where does any of it come from...?
Intuition.
I've been felling attraction to different people lately, but thanks to ZL, I'm taking a step back and analysing what exactly is drawing me to a particular individual. It's the anthropologist in me. :)
With some people, it's like a white-hot flash: instantaneous and strong. Others, I feel a slow build and still others, it's non-existent until after a few more encounters. And I wonder why this is.... Why is it that attraction is felt differently with different individuals??
I was speaking to some friends about this a few weeks past. They have their own system of attraction. They both view people they know in a strict binary: friends or potential intimate partners. thought this was highly interesting because I don't normally categorise people; I always can imagine the greater potential of any relationship I'm in, whether superficial, friendship or other. It's an interesting concept, and I've been wondering why....
I've met or gotten to know some new individuals and I find myself attracted to them. And before I run off with the cart and leave the Horse behind, I'm trying really really hard to take a deep breath and nail down why I'm drawn to these individuals. There must be something in particular that has drawn my attention....
And a similar topic to this is repulsion by certain individuals. I've felt tension and unease around people throughout my lifetime, and now I'm beginning to wonder where it all stems from. Where does any of it come from...?
Intuition.
15 November 2010
Appease
Definition of APPEASE
transitive verb
1: to bring to a state of peace or quiet : calm
2: to cause to subside : allay <appeased my hunger>
3: pacify, conciliate; especially : to buy off (an aggressor) by concessions usually at the sacrifice of principles
I feel I've been wearing kid-gloves for the past few weeks. I hate gloves, and now I'm taking them off.
I've had people tell me I need to be "more sensitive," "more accommodating," and "less controlling." ...If you think I'm bad, wait until you leave the cushy Northwest and venture to the East. I look like a cupcake compared to some of the folk walking around there.
Yet at the same time, I'm questioning the motives behind these passive/aggressive demands being made of me. It's almost like I'm being forced to conform to the counter-culture. And here I thought Evergreen was so progressive.... No, it's just like everywhere else, with an emphasis on being clique-ish. I thought I had left high school....
And it also has something to do with being an adult. There are people who aren't 'nice' or 'considerate' or even in the realm of 'courteous'. You work with them, they're your boss, they're your roommates, they're your family members. Live. Learn. Deal.
But perhaps it's the individuals with whom I'm interacting.... I definitely see some toxicity in some of the relationships I have. At least now I have the perspective and experience and wherewithal to back the truck up before I become even more emotionally invested. It's definitely not worth the time and stress.
Life's too short to devote precious energy to those who don't deserve it.
07 November 2010
Control
This kind of goes along with Push.
I am a controlling individual, in some aspects. I learnt as a child that if you aren't in control, then someone will control you. Yet as I grow older, that idea is becoming more nuanced and layered.
Many take my "controlling" exterior at face value.
Professionally, I actually hate having to sit at the helm of things. I'd much rather be in the background coordinating activities and let someone else handle all the bureaucratic details, or (even better) opting out of an authority position altogether. The only reason I step up is if someone is doing a shoddy job, or everyone else is even lazier than me and doesn't want to take responsibility.
Personally, I like to keep a variety of personalities around so that I can swing back and forth between having to handle situations and letting other have a go.
Intimately... well I guess you'd have to be in that position to find out. ;)
Overall, I try to keep a balance in my life. I have a mild God-complex which I acknowledge rears its head sometimes, but that is tempered by my inner Sloth. I'm a Gemini (with a Scorpio moon), and therefore I encompass the best of both worlds. :-)
I am a controlling individual, in some aspects. I learnt as a child that if you aren't in control, then someone will control you. Yet as I grow older, that idea is becoming more nuanced and layered.
Many take my "controlling" exterior at face value.
Professionally, I actually hate having to sit at the helm of things. I'd much rather be in the background coordinating activities and let someone else handle all the bureaucratic details, or (even better) opting out of an authority position altogether. The only reason I step up is if someone is doing a shoddy job, or everyone else is even lazier than me and doesn't want to take responsibility.
Personally, I like to keep a variety of personalities around so that I can swing back and forth between having to handle situations and letting other have a go.
Intimately... well I guess you'd have to be in that position to find out. ;)
Overall, I try to keep a balance in my life. I have a mild God-complex which I acknowledge rears its head sometimes, but that is tempered by my inner Sloth. I'm a Gemini (with a Scorpio moon), and therefore I encompass the best of both worlds. :-)
06 November 2010
Nice
I thought the climate change would be the biggest adjustment to moving to the Pacific North west. No, although I haven't been properly warm since I left Orlando.
Now, I know I'm not the cuddliest person, but I have been known to display kindness every so often. But here I have to be Pacific Northwest Nice, which entails being nice and considerate and thoughtful all of the time, and in a way that really challenges my own patience (and those around me).
Yes, I'm callous, and brash and crude, and that works fine in the South and the East in general. But here I'm stomping on toes left and right. So if I don't want the Olympia Bridge to go up in flames, I'm going to have to compromise. I'm learning how to handle different types of people, and that'll be good for later in life.
I'm keeping everything in perspective, cause Olympia is just a pit-stop on my journey....
Now, I know I'm not the cuddliest person, but I have been known to display kindness every so often. But here I have to be Pacific Northwest Nice, which entails being nice and considerate and thoughtful all of the time, and in a way that really challenges my own patience (and those around me).
Yes, I'm callous, and brash and crude, and that works fine in the South and the East in general. But here I'm stomping on toes left and right. So if I don't want the Olympia Bridge to go up in flames, I'm going to have to compromise. I'm learning how to handle different types of people, and that'll be good for later in life.
I'm keeping everything in perspective, cause Olympia is just a pit-stop on my journey....
Intuition
Sometimes you just know, you know....
Logic gets in the way of intuition. I'm beginning to re-realise that. I'd say I'm a fair judge of character, but then I try to rationalise the reasons why I do or don't like a person, in any capacity.
Thinking back, I've let rationalisation cloud my judgement, and that has led to some toxic relationships. But I'm pig-headed, no offence to the pig, and I have to learn by firsthand, seemingly ever time.
But now I'm ready to listen to my instincts, which will save time and energy.
Logic gets in the way of intuition. I'm beginning to re-realise that. I'd say I'm a fair judge of character, but then I try to rationalise the reasons why I do or don't like a person, in any capacity.
Thinking back, I've let rationalisation cloud my judgement, and that has led to some toxic relationships. But I'm pig-headed, no offence to the pig, and I have to learn by firsthand, seemingly ever time.
But now I'm ready to listen to my instincts, which will save time and energy.
27 October 2010
Push
I push, a lot. I push to test limits and to see who will push back. It's an element in my personality to push; I've done it since I was young and I don't want to change it. I admire and respect the people who push back, and I tend to gravitate towards those individuals. I need to be pushed back to keep my strong personality in check. And it keeps things exciting. I'm a Gemini. ;-)
Ms Piggy. Oh, how I have loathed her since I was a wee one of six years. She is the antithesis to everything which I aspire. Controlling, arrogant, and domineering. Her relationship with Kermit reminds me a touch of my parents'. And then I had someone point out to me that her qualities are echoed within me. That made me cold and I turned my gaze inward to intro-flect.
Now not all of Ms Piggy's characteristics are negative; it's always good to be a strong individual, but I concede that too much of a good thing is off-putting. I will be more mindful and conscious of my behaviour. This town is way too small to have enemies.
The lesson: When I push, push back. Hard.
Ms Piggy. Oh, how I have loathed her since I was a wee one of six years. She is the antithesis to everything which I aspire. Controlling, arrogant, and domineering. Her relationship with Kermit reminds me a touch of my parents'. And then I had someone point out to me that her qualities are echoed within me. That made me cold and I turned my gaze inward to intro-flect.
Now not all of Ms Piggy's characteristics are negative; it's always good to be a strong individual, but I concede that too much of a good thing is off-putting. I will be more mindful and conscious of my behaviour. This town is way too small to have enemies.
The lesson: When I push, push back. Hard.
Distraction
My mind is not my own. Whose it it now? When you know, let me know....
I'm looking around me at Olympia, at the people and the places, and I'm struck by how small it all is. And then I think "I'm a woman," and it shrinks a bit, and then I think, "I'm Black," and it shrinks a bit more, and then I think "I'm queer," and it's nearly touching my sides. But it doesn't feel stifling. I feel like... I'm ready to run. Like I'm humming with energy; all I need is an appropriate outlet to channel it through.
I'm bored. Academically speaking. I thought I would be engaged here, but I'm not. At least at UCF there was a chance that one of the four courses would provide something of interest. But maybe it's a lull in the quarter, maybe it's the people I have lecture and seminar with. And maybe it's the weather, which is turning gray. I need more sweaters.
I'm tired. I need to go to bed. But I am restless, distracted if you will. Words aren't working to quiet my mind. I am overflowing with thoughts and ideas, and ponderings as to what others around me are feeling, thinking, wishing for. Sometimes I wish I were telepathic so that I could have a window into others' minds. I can feel the distress of some of the people around me, but I don't know what the root of it is. Curious, always so curious.
Sometimes I wish I could help everyone. I wish I had the ability to be that outlet that people need; the Listener. I want to listen to what people have to say and process it for myself. I don't think I'd give advice, because all too often people don't want it. They just want to talk and think out loud with another warm body in the room. But they don't want judgement. Just ears.
Quieting. My mind is beginning to settle. Only a few thoughts remain to bounce and that is no surprise to me. I wake up with thoughts half-formed and already drying. I wonder what it would be like to not be thinking all of the time. To have a quiet consciousness. To simply observe and not process or compare or predict. To just be. Never gonna happen in my mind.
There are so many people to know and so many interesting things to do. Sleep is ocming. I wish there was more time, and more me's to go around. Sometimes I stop and think about all of the people I am not going to have the opp to meet in this lifetime, and all the things I'm going to miss out on. It doesn't make me sad, just hopeful that I will be able to have another go.
I've been thinking and introflecting really hard. And then my book arrived and it's putting everything down concretely, asking the really good questions that get my words flowing like a river. :)
I wonder where I'll be in two months. I'm giving everything two months to settle in and then I'll re-evaluate. Well, I say two months but I'll be lucky if I can keep my sanity for two weeks. It's a day-to-day thing and I'm barely keeping the lid on. It's like a pot of rice threatening to boil over. The mess takes forever to clean up. But so does oatmeal in the microwave. Maybe it's a starch thing....
I am sad because those around me are sad. I feel the energy radiating off of them. It's amazing how we humans can put on a good face, but are crying inside. I can feel it. It knocks me off balance. I want to give hugs to everyone. I crave the physical contact as reassurance, even though the sorrow is not my own.
I still cannot articulate the attraction. It seems to be everything and nothing, all at once. Is it the lure of grief? Am I in fix-it mode? Maybe we're mirrors?
It's a Triangle. My favourite shape. I think it's interesting how these things happen. Maybe more serendipitous.... Everything happens for a reason. Not my particular belief but sometimes I think it.
My mind is emptied. Time for bed. :) And no, I will not know half of the stuff I referenced in this post. The woes of clear-mindedness at 2AM on a Wednesday.
I'm looking around me at Olympia, at the people and the places, and I'm struck by how small it all is. And then I think "I'm a woman," and it shrinks a bit, and then I think, "I'm Black," and it shrinks a bit more, and then I think "I'm queer," and it's nearly touching my sides. But it doesn't feel stifling. I feel like... I'm ready to run. Like I'm humming with energy; all I need is an appropriate outlet to channel it through.
I'm bored. Academically speaking. I thought I would be engaged here, but I'm not. At least at UCF there was a chance that one of the four courses would provide something of interest. But maybe it's a lull in the quarter, maybe it's the people I have lecture and seminar with. And maybe it's the weather, which is turning gray. I need more sweaters.
I'm tired. I need to go to bed. But I am restless, distracted if you will. Words aren't working to quiet my mind. I am overflowing with thoughts and ideas, and ponderings as to what others around me are feeling, thinking, wishing for. Sometimes I wish I were telepathic so that I could have a window into others' minds. I can feel the distress of some of the people around me, but I don't know what the root of it is. Curious, always so curious.
Sometimes I wish I could help everyone. I wish I had the ability to be that outlet that people need; the Listener. I want to listen to what people have to say and process it for myself. I don't think I'd give advice, because all too often people don't want it. They just want to talk and think out loud with another warm body in the room. But they don't want judgement. Just ears.
Quieting. My mind is beginning to settle. Only a few thoughts remain to bounce and that is no surprise to me. I wake up with thoughts half-formed and already drying. I wonder what it would be like to not be thinking all of the time. To have a quiet consciousness. To simply observe and not process or compare or predict. To just be. Never gonna happen in my mind.
There are so many people to know and so many interesting things to do. Sleep is ocming. I wish there was more time, and more me's to go around. Sometimes I stop and think about all of the people I am not going to have the opp to meet in this lifetime, and all the things I'm going to miss out on. It doesn't make me sad, just hopeful that I will be able to have another go.
I've been thinking and introflecting really hard. And then my book arrived and it's putting everything down concretely, asking the really good questions that get my words flowing like a river. :)
I wonder where I'll be in two months. I'm giving everything two months to settle in and then I'll re-evaluate. Well, I say two months but I'll be lucky if I can keep my sanity for two weeks. It's a day-to-day thing and I'm barely keeping the lid on. It's like a pot of rice threatening to boil over. The mess takes forever to clean up. But so does oatmeal in the microwave. Maybe it's a starch thing....
I am sad because those around me are sad. I feel the energy radiating off of them. It's amazing how we humans can put on a good face, but are crying inside. I can feel it. It knocks me off balance. I want to give hugs to everyone. I crave the physical contact as reassurance, even though the sorrow is not my own.
I still cannot articulate the attraction. It seems to be everything and nothing, all at once. Is it the lure of grief? Am I in fix-it mode? Maybe we're mirrors?
It's a Triangle. My favourite shape. I think it's interesting how these things happen. Maybe more serendipitous.... Everything happens for a reason. Not my particular belief but sometimes I think it.
My mind is emptied. Time for bed. :) And no, I will not know half of the stuff I referenced in this post. The woes of clear-mindedness at 2AM on a Wednesday.
24 October 2010
Ditty
Connection to Nature, connection to others, connection to self.
Respect for Nature, respect for others respect for Self.
Value Nature, Value others, Value Self.
Love Nature, Love others and Love self.
Respect for Nature, respect for others respect for Self.
Value Nature, Value others, Value Self.
Love Nature, Love others and Love self.
22 October 2010
Just Her
"I felt the soft waves of energy emanating from Her. It was a slow pull toward Her. I saw Her like a blossom unfolding in the first rays of the sun, opening its petals to the dawn. And I've been transfixed ever since."
That is how I describe my first encounter with Her. The words don't do my attraction justice, because I feel it much more strongly and deeply. I feel drawn to her as if she were a magnet. There's an addictive element to her that I can't ignore, that I can't quite place my finger on the exact quality it is that draws me in....
I just know that I have to fight it. I have to deny myself that which my spirit years for more than anything at the moment. It is counterintuitive at its basest form... but what else am I do do?
That is how I describe my first encounter with Her. The words don't do my attraction justice, because I feel it much more strongly and deeply. I feel drawn to her as if she were a magnet. There's an addictive element to her that I can't ignore, that I can't quite place my finger on the exact quality it is that draws me in....
I just know that I have to fight it. I have to deny myself that which my spirit years for more than anything at the moment. It is counterintuitive at its basest form... but what else am I do do?
Emotion
A year ago, I fell in love with a beautiful woman, C. Even though we did not develop a relationship, she awoke within me a depth of emotion the like of which I had never dreamed possible.
Since this experience, I have felt more intensely than i want to at times. My heart is now the ruler where logic once reigned. This change is not necessarily bad, just taking some getting used to
Let's take for instance, my most recent heartache. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to spend whole days in bed just thinking of her. I never before imagined what the power of emotions could do, and it's awesome in that one person can elicit such depth and breadth of emotional responses. Yes, it's sucky because I'm the one lying on my living room floor writing this out so that maybe I can find some solace in my dreams this night. But it's also so empowering to know that I have the capacity to feel so much.
One day, this loss and lamentation will be in my past, but I hope I never forget what it was like to be so moved by this one beautiful individual.
17 October 2010
Transcendence
I feel like I'm operating on another plane right now. Things have been revealed to me, things have been clarified, and I'm growing.
Love. I feel like Harry Potter in Book 5 where Dumbledore tells him the reason he survived Voldemort's initial attack and then again in the Ministry of Magic, and Harry all but rolls his eyes. I used to scoff at the word. Yes, I've felt warmth and affection in the past towards people and things, but last night just cleared my mind's eye. Now I understand exactly what Dumbledore was on about. I've met people in the last few weeks who I've felt such an intense connection with, it's nearly palpable.
It's like I've found a bit of myself in someone else, and it just clicks. I feel like I'm glowing when I'm with these people or that the sun's come out from behind the clouds when I'm in their presence. It's like nuclear fission; the energy is amazing.
Last night I learned a lot about myself, and the potential that as yet remains untapped. I feel like the people I was around helped me to climb up into something... more. Something better, something greater, something... more. It's not that I've been doing things wrong... but I've been doing them in a way that wasn't true to myself. I have to be more conscious of how I view things or else I can fall back into my old ways. I have to reevaluate the way I view things and situations in order to truly learn and grow from experiences I have. I have to accommodate not only others, but also myself.
Last night I transcended, and I'm still rising....
15 October 2010
Rationalisation
Humans are stunning in their ability to rationalise any thing. Whether it be hatred and prejudice, or love and tolerance, we are a very unique species in this capacity.
I'm also amazed recently how emotion has been affecting my rationalisation and judgement skills. I remember a time when I used to be indifferent, stoic, and wholly logical. Now I don't know what I am.
Is this what it's like to be human?
I'm also amazed recently how emotion has been affecting my rationalisation and judgement skills. I remember a time when I used to be indifferent, stoic, and wholly logical. Now I don't know what I am.
Is this what it's like to be human?
14 October 2010
Prophecy
This isn't my usual style, but bear with me.
Today in seminar, as a closing point, our group had to name one concept or idea within Edward Said's Orientalism that really resonated with us for one reason or another. I chose the concept of self-fulfilling prophecy as it relates to perception and perpetuation of ideas. Let me give the context.
"Orientalism" is basically how the West (US, Britain, France, etc.) view Northern Africa, Egypt, the Middle East and Asia. It began when the Western Europeans became interested in the East and basically went to these lands and took in all the cultures, traditions, etc. and lumped them under one umbrella and called it "Orientalism," renamed all of this territory and countries "the Orient" and called these peoples "Orientals".
My point was that this whole relationship between East and West was a self-fulfilling prophecy, because the Europeans went into the lands and cried, "You are all Orientals and this is how you are supposed to behave, act, dress, etc." Over time the 'Orientals' internalised these thoughts and began to fulfill the expectations of the Europeans. This lead to a cyclical justification, because essentially the Europeans said that 'Orientals' had a particular culture and lo and behold if eventually they were proved right.
This concept can be applied throughout history, and applies to all peoples. Just look at American society and how particular minority groups are portrayed in the media. It took a while, but now the stereotypes are being fulfilled.
It's frightening how strong the rhetoric can be and how utterly effective it can be in shaping societies and the individuals' perception of themselves.
I had someone say to me today that they were 'so over' the word Oriental. I'm not. I still see it as derogative and dehumanising. I know it's simply a concept, but it holds powerful stereotypes and oppressive thoughts within it. I equate it with the use of 'Negro' as identifying an African-American. Yes, it's acceptable to some groups, but the connotations behind it are so negative and reminiscent of the days of intolerance. It's just a personal opinion, but perhaps because I'm part of a marginalised group and I'm still very entrenched within the culture that I feel so strongly about it.
Words are powerful tools with which entire worlds can be shifted. Use them wisely.
Today in seminar, as a closing point, our group had to name one concept or idea within Edward Said's Orientalism that really resonated with us for one reason or another. I chose the concept of self-fulfilling prophecy as it relates to perception and perpetuation of ideas. Let me give the context.
"Orientalism" is basically how the West (US, Britain, France, etc.) view Northern Africa, Egypt, the Middle East and Asia. It began when the Western Europeans became interested in the East and basically went to these lands and took in all the cultures, traditions, etc. and lumped them under one umbrella and called it "Orientalism," renamed all of this territory and countries "the Orient" and called these peoples "Orientals".
My point was that this whole relationship between East and West was a self-fulfilling prophecy, because the Europeans went into the lands and cried, "You are all Orientals and this is how you are supposed to behave, act, dress, etc." Over time the 'Orientals' internalised these thoughts and began to fulfill the expectations of the Europeans. This lead to a cyclical justification, because essentially the Europeans said that 'Orientals' had a particular culture and lo and behold if eventually they were proved right.
This concept can be applied throughout history, and applies to all peoples. Just look at American society and how particular minority groups are portrayed in the media. It took a while, but now the stereotypes are being fulfilled.
It's frightening how strong the rhetoric can be and how utterly effective it can be in shaping societies and the individuals' perception of themselves.
I had someone say to me today that they were 'so over' the word Oriental. I'm not. I still see it as derogative and dehumanising. I know it's simply a concept, but it holds powerful stereotypes and oppressive thoughts within it. I equate it with the use of 'Negro' as identifying an African-American. Yes, it's acceptable to some groups, but the connotations behind it are so negative and reminiscent of the days of intolerance. It's just a personal opinion, but perhaps because I'm part of a marginalised group and I'm still very entrenched within the culture that I feel so strongly about it.
Words are powerful tools with which entire worlds can be shifted. Use them wisely.
07 October 2010
Brown
One of the biggest changes I've noticed since arriving in Olympia is my attitude towards brown and Brown people.
I'll be one of the first to admit that I am a product of my society and have internalised the prejudices against Brown-skinned people. Most people are surprised to know about the racism that exists within the Brown community, and much of it is because of the media messages we receive. It's stifling, battling against the media's influence and trying to develop an identity with cultural expectations.
But here in Olympia... every thing is different, at least for me. I 've only realised how much pressure I felt to be the exception to the negative stereotypes plaguing the African-American community. Now, I simply am. I don't feel like I have to perform for anyone anymore. Maybe it was being gay and living in the Bible Belt, or being in the same place for over 15 years, or maybe it was the people who seemed so superficial. Whatever the reason, it's freeing living up here, and my perspective on all things Brown has completely changed.
I'm not judged by the Brownies here, because I'm an Oreo (Black on the outside, White on the inside) or "not acting Black enough". There is a real sense of community and acceptance at Evergreen. And possibly in reaction, I'm not feeling so hostile toward my own people. It's refreshing.
And for the first time in a long time, I looked at my skin, and I saw not the burden of the colour, but the possibility for growth, and rising above all the negativity of my past.
God, it's good to be Brown.
02 October 2010
Beauty
This has been an undercurrent for my thoughts for the majority of the week, because my standard of beauty had been under assault by mainstream media. How? By listening to Top 40 music.
I'll admit, my head is turned by anything: a song, a movie, a quote. I have to really focus not to lose myself when I listen to the opinions of others, at least initially. After removing myself from the situation, I can get a better grip on reality, but when it comes to music, I am hopeless.
The song in question: "OMG" by Usher. It's been my earworm as of late due to the fact that much of my energy has been devoted to thoughts of potential romantic partners. Needless to say, Usher's smooth voice and flows only aggravated the situation, but I kept pushing "Repeat" nonetheless. ;)
But as I've been listening to this song on a white-knuckle rotation, I've began to internalise a particular interpretation of beauty; namely a bootylicious African American female. I've never seen the video for this particular song, but if Beyoncé is anything to go off of, my shot isn't that far from the mark. And today I cracked.
I had to step back and mentally separate the merging ideals of beauty. I felt like I was under attack from a vicious octopus who was trying to swallow my brain. And once I had my own thoughts again, I realised that I was battling myself.
Beauty is such a subjective thing, it really is quite pointless to attempt to compare one form against another. It's not a competition between appearance or actions or personality; it's a combination of all three components that make the individual beautiful.
... And here it is, the answer to all the riddles.... I love Em & Lo.
I'll admit, my head is turned by anything: a song, a movie, a quote. I have to really focus not to lose myself when I listen to the opinions of others, at least initially. After removing myself from the situation, I can get a better grip on reality, but when it comes to music, I am hopeless.
The song in question: "OMG" by Usher. It's been my earworm as of late due to the fact that much of my energy has been devoted to thoughts of potential romantic partners. Needless to say, Usher's smooth voice and flows only aggravated the situation, but I kept pushing "Repeat" nonetheless. ;)
But as I've been listening to this song on a white-knuckle rotation, I've began to internalise a particular interpretation of beauty; namely a bootylicious African American female. I've never seen the video for this particular song, but if Beyoncé is anything to go off of, my shot isn't that far from the mark. And today I cracked.
I had to step back and mentally separate the merging ideals of beauty. I felt like I was under attack from a vicious octopus who was trying to swallow my brain. And once I had my own thoughts again, I realised that I was battling myself.
Beauty is such a subjective thing, it really is quite pointless to attempt to compare one form against another. It's not a competition between appearance or actions or personality; it's a combination of all three components that make the individual beautiful.
... And here it is, the answer to all the riddles.... I love Em & Lo.
Sex
I read a post earlier today that had me ready to rant before I could even finish the intro. But first let's set this up with a few important question: What is a "dry spell"?
According to the author a dry spell is a length of time an individual goes without engaging in sex. Pretty basic, but I know of people who've stared at me blankly when I mentioned this term in standard conversation. What constitutes sex is never listed, but I'm going to assume sexual intercourse (m/m, f/m, f/f).
Now, why should we care so much? We Westerners live in a sex negative society. The mainstream advertises sex, because it sells, but it's still rather taboo to discuss publicly. That's slowly changing, but for the most part, it's like we've just stepped off the Mayflower in the general attitude regarding sex.
This article though, touched a nerve with me. The options of the poll imply that going more than a month without sex was cause for grief. I understand that The Frisky is supposed to be forward-thinking but I'm (again) becoming frustrated with their narrow scope. Or maybe I'm just over-analysing things.... Whatever.
The comments provided more prospective on the subject, and it was refreshing to see that not everyone is riddled with anguish at the thought of going more than 30 days abstinent. One commenter in particular stated that the reason for her celibacy is due to her discerning manner when it comes to entering serious relationships. I really liked that she wrote this because I think it's easy to get caught up in the swing of popular youth culture and screw anything with a pulse. Or at least that's what I perceive to be the general thought.
Celibacy is a personal choice, just like tossing your cookies at every person who looks at you longer than a few seconds. To each their own; I'm not one to judge. I just wish that others would be so... open-minded and accepting. But like I mentioned above, I've been snarkier than usual, and I might be getting riled up for no reason.
Onto the next topic
According to the author a dry spell is a length of time an individual goes without engaging in sex. Pretty basic, but I know of people who've stared at me blankly when I mentioned this term in standard conversation. What constitutes sex is never listed, but I'm going to assume sexual intercourse (m/m, f/m, f/f).
Now, why should we care so much? We Westerners live in a sex negative society. The mainstream advertises sex, because it sells, but it's still rather taboo to discuss publicly. That's slowly changing, but for the most part, it's like we've just stepped off the Mayflower in the general attitude regarding sex.
This article though, touched a nerve with me. The options of the poll imply that going more than a month without sex was cause for grief. I understand that The Frisky is supposed to be forward-thinking but I'm (again) becoming frustrated with their narrow scope. Or maybe I'm just over-analysing things.... Whatever.
The comments provided more prospective on the subject, and it was refreshing to see that not everyone is riddled with anguish at the thought of going more than 30 days abstinent. One commenter in particular stated that the reason for her celibacy is due to her discerning manner when it comes to entering serious relationships. I really liked that she wrote this because I think it's easy to get caught up in the swing of popular youth culture and screw anything with a pulse. Or at least that's what I perceive to be the general thought.
Celibacy is a personal choice, just like tossing your cookies at every person who looks at you longer than a few seconds. To each their own; I'm not one to judge. I just wish that others would be so... open-minded and accepting. But like I mentioned above, I've been snarkier than usual, and I might be getting riled up for no reason.
Onto the next topic
28 September 2010
Oppression
I've been thinking a lot about difference regarding oppression. As a Black female, who also comes from a low-income family, is a first-generation college student, has a disability and is queer, I used to think that it couldn't get much worse.
And then one of my friends, who is Jewish, mentioned being discriminated against based on his religion. At first I laughed it off, because he could simply not mention anything about his religion and essentially "pass" if the need arose. And then I started thinking critically about being persecuted based on one's religion. Sure I know all about history: the Crusades, Hitler, etc, but it kind of blew my mind that it still goes on today, so close to home and to someone I knew.
Which started me down this path. What would it be like to be a middle class Jewish person living in a Christian, and often intolerant, Western world? What would it be like to be a Hispanic person living in the American Southwest? What would it be like to be a queer person living in Appalachia? Sure their fears and experiences are much different than mine, but just because they are different, doesn't make them any less significant.
But I think the biggest point of oppression I can think of is being a heterosexual, middle-class White male. I wonder what it would be like to experience life without every having to fear exclusion or hunger or safety? I wonder if these privileged (financially, emotionally, etc.) individuals ever wonder what it would be like if they had been born without these disadvantages?
And then one of my friends, who is Jewish, mentioned being discriminated against based on his religion. At first I laughed it off, because he could simply not mention anything about his religion and essentially "pass" if the need arose. And then I started thinking critically about being persecuted based on one's religion. Sure I know all about history: the Crusades, Hitler, etc, but it kind of blew my mind that it still goes on today, so close to home and to someone I knew.
Which started me down this path. What would it be like to be a middle class Jewish person living in a Christian, and often intolerant, Western world? What would it be like to be a Hispanic person living in the American Southwest? What would it be like to be a queer person living in Appalachia? Sure their fears and experiences are much different than mine, but just because they are different, doesn't make them any less significant.
But I think the biggest point of oppression I can think of is being a heterosexual, middle-class White male. I wonder what it would be like to experience life without every having to fear exclusion or hunger or safety? I wonder if these privileged (financially, emotionally, etc.) individuals ever wonder what it would be like if they had been born without these disadvantages?
24 September 2010
Vanity
I'm vain! You're vain! We're all vain!!
I've been thinking a lot about vanity and egoism, especially contrasting their prevalence between FL and Olympia. Firstly, let's define the word and they we can take it from there.
Vain: having or showing undue or excessive pride in one's appearance or achievements : conceited.
I would say that overall, citizens here are less concerned about their physical vanity, in the mainstream sense (labels, brands, new clothes). But, people seem to be a little too concerned with contrasting popular culture. Example: I was riding the bus out to Evergreen and two female students behind me were seemingly competing to see who was the least mainstream. Eventually the firl who shopped at Forever 21 with her 9$ jeans won, but I wanted to turn to her and say "If you're so worried about being "thrifty" and "conscious" of where your clothes come from, do yo ever stop to think about the labour that goes into making those clothes or where they originate? But that would have opened a can of worms that couldn't be cleaned up in the 10 minutes we had left before getting to campus.
Continuing on that note, I've notice a lot of "alternative living" vanity, verging on elitism.... Yeah, it's just straight up elitism. I encountered it today, as a matter of fact, and it was allllll I could do not to roll my eyes and scoff. Our site director who took us to the field for gleaning and then to the Food Bank was so blatantly anti-consumerism, it was offensive. She complained about the cookies, with their sugar, the soda with its sugar, and the "mainstream" radio stations. Unfortunately if I want to do anymore harvesting with the Food Bank I will have to go through her, but maybe I can meet another coordinator who is less... judgmental.
The climate here is definitely different, though not exclusive, because I know plenty of those type of people in Orlando.
I'm writing this piece because I feel I'm reevaluating my position on vanity. I've always thought I was a little more vain that is necessary, but I am my harshest critic. Now, however, I'm thinking I may be coming back to the center of the spectrum.
The people I currently find myself attracted to aren't pretty in the conventional sense, meaning they wouldn't grace the cover of People or Glamour. I always assumed there was something wrong with me because I always looked to the physical appearance to determine whether or not I was interested in a person. But now, I find I wait a moment because it's the personality that really grabs me. I wonder if it's the new environment or if I was heading in this direction anyway, or if I was just surrounded by really attractive people in FL. Probably a combination of all three.
I don't think my judging the book by its cover was aided by the fact that nearly everyone I meet comments at some point or another on my thinness. I've always been the slimmest in my family and growing up with remarks about my physical appearance is wearing. The off-hand comments when I was a kid and the barely concealed envy of young adulthood have led me to be suuuuuuper conscious of what I eat, how I dress and generally my appearance. I realise that our culture idolises the thin, but for the longest time I hated my body, just because it drew so much attention.
Vanity has many origins, is multi-faceted, and is thankfully fluid. I feel like the weight I place on physical attractiveness is lessening, but it's hard to be judgmental when nearly everyone here is rocking a different and completely un-Florida like style. But it's all good. Change and newness are good. :)
I've been thinking a lot about vanity and egoism, especially contrasting their prevalence between FL and Olympia. Firstly, let's define the word and they we can take it from there.
Vain: having or showing undue or excessive pride in one's appearance or achievements : conceited.
I would say that overall, citizens here are less concerned about their physical vanity, in the mainstream sense (labels, brands, new clothes). But, people seem to be a little too concerned with contrasting popular culture. Example: I was riding the bus out to Evergreen and two female students behind me were seemingly competing to see who was the least mainstream. Eventually the firl who shopped at Forever 21 with her 9$ jeans won, but I wanted to turn to her and say "If you're so worried about being "thrifty" and "conscious" of where your clothes come from, do yo ever stop to think about the labour that goes into making those clothes or where they originate? But that would have opened a can of worms that couldn't be cleaned up in the 10 minutes we had left before getting to campus.
Continuing on that note, I've notice a lot of "alternative living" vanity, verging on elitism.... Yeah, it's just straight up elitism. I encountered it today, as a matter of fact, and it was allllll I could do not to roll my eyes and scoff. Our site director who took us to the field for gleaning and then to the Food Bank was so blatantly anti-consumerism, it was offensive. She complained about the cookies, with their sugar, the soda with its sugar, and the "mainstream" radio stations. Unfortunately if I want to do anymore harvesting with the Food Bank I will have to go through her, but maybe I can meet another coordinator who is less... judgmental.
The climate here is definitely different, though not exclusive, because I know plenty of those type of people in Orlando.
I'm writing this piece because I feel I'm reevaluating my position on vanity. I've always thought I was a little more vain that is necessary, but I am my harshest critic. Now, however, I'm thinking I may be coming back to the center of the spectrum.
The people I currently find myself attracted to aren't pretty in the conventional sense, meaning they wouldn't grace the cover of People or Glamour. I always assumed there was something wrong with me because I always looked to the physical appearance to determine whether or not I was interested in a person. But now, I find I wait a moment because it's the personality that really grabs me. I wonder if it's the new environment or if I was heading in this direction anyway, or if I was just surrounded by really attractive people in FL. Probably a combination of all three.
I don't think my judging the book by its cover was aided by the fact that nearly everyone I meet comments at some point or another on my thinness. I've always been the slimmest in my family and growing up with remarks about my physical appearance is wearing. The off-hand comments when I was a kid and the barely concealed envy of young adulthood have led me to be suuuuuuper conscious of what I eat, how I dress and generally my appearance. I realise that our culture idolises the thin, but for the longest time I hated my body, just because it drew so much attention.
Vanity has many origins, is multi-faceted, and is thankfully fluid. I feel like the weight I place on physical attractiveness is lessening, but it's hard to be judgmental when nearly everyone here is rocking a different and completely un-Florida like style. But it's all good. Change and newness are good. :)
23 September 2010
Flirt
I've actually written about this topic on my legal pad during a busride home, but I'm too lazy to go to my room right now, so I'll try to remember what all I wrote. ;)
I am a horrible sober-flirt. I either gush or freeze up. It's infuriating because I know all the tactics, I know exactly what I'm supposed to say, to do, how to use my body language appropriately.... But when it come to action, I might as well be having my first go at a person who's caught my fancy.
But once I've had a drink (yes one, because my tolerance is very low), I'm in top form. I can charm any person in the room. I've done this before, with positive and negative results.
I have performance anxiety. And this when there's not much performing going on, if you know what I mean. I am resolved to rectify this... shortcoming by doing the following:
1) Smile. I've been told by more than a dozen of my friends that I scowl. I'd like to call the expression 'pensive', but apprently that's not how it comes off.
2) Making eye contact. I'm Black, and eye contact can be viewed as confrontational. But since I'm among mostly Caucasian folk, I have to tweak this detail.
3) Step out of my comfort zone. I'm an introvert and talking face-to-face with strangers is difficult, verging on nauseating. Especially when I fancy them.
Alright. Beginning now, I'm going to adhere to the three points listed above. I refuse to be conquered by old habits and idiosyncrasies. I have to "take chances, get messy, and make mistakes." And seeing as how my luck hasn't been noteworthy thus far, I think it's time to incorporate some new methods.
I have a particular person who has caught my eye, and I'm going to take a dive. While I don't have the best record with taking these kinds of chances, Olympia is a new start.
This isn't really how the other blurb went, but whatever.
19 September 2010
Books
I was commenting on a post about beloved childhood books and I realised, not for the first time, that I stumbled upon some really good lit when I was a kid.
The novels I read, which could easily be placed in the adult section, were gritty, realistic and often dealt with difficult social issues. A recurring theme I encountered (I swear I did not look for it!) was sexuality, namely homosexuality. It's rather poignant upon retrospection.... ;)
Anyhow, most of the authors I read (after Wiki-ing them) are actually employed in the field that they write about. For example, I read E.R Frank's America, and it turns out she's actually a social worker. And Jacqueline Woodson (If You come Softly...) is a gay, Black female. It all makes so much sense now.....
These novels helped develop my interests, shape my beliefs and establish a very strong tolerance towards others and their differences. If I had to choose though, I'd say Emma Donoghue's short story Team Men was the most influential piece of literature I have ever encountered. It's supposedly a take on the Biblical sotry concerning Kind Saul, his son Jonathan and another character called David. Donaghue's version is that Jon and Davy are both gay teens who have to come to terms with their sexuality. I cried the first time I read that story, though at the time, I could not put my finger on why it resonated within me so deeply. Or maybe I just didn't want to accept it.
Other stories I still remember vividly:
Breathing Underwater by Alex Flinn
Life is Funny by E.R. Frank
Eight Seconds by Jean Ferris
Deliver Us From Evie by M.E. Kerr (they moved this into the adult section in Orlando libraries)
Uncle Max by Chris Kenry (also moved to the grown-ups' books)
I feel that after those novels, I kind of peaked. I've been searching recently for something to capture my attention, but I've yet to find any interesting adult fiction.... Oh well, I guess I'll have to write my own. ;)
The novels I read, which could easily be placed in the adult section, were gritty, realistic and often dealt with difficult social issues. A recurring theme I encountered (I swear I did not look for it!) was sexuality, namely homosexuality. It's rather poignant upon retrospection.... ;)
Anyhow, most of the authors I read (after Wiki-ing them) are actually employed in the field that they write about. For example, I read E.R Frank's America, and it turns out she's actually a social worker. And Jacqueline Woodson (If You come Softly...) is a gay, Black female. It all makes so much sense now.....
These novels helped develop my interests, shape my beliefs and establish a very strong tolerance towards others and their differences. If I had to choose though, I'd say Emma Donoghue's short story Team Men was the most influential piece of literature I have ever encountered. It's supposedly a take on the Biblical sotry concerning Kind Saul, his son Jonathan and another character called David. Donaghue's version is that Jon and Davy are both gay teens who have to come to terms with their sexuality. I cried the first time I read that story, though at the time, I could not put my finger on why it resonated within me so deeply. Or maybe I just didn't want to accept it.
Other stories I still remember vividly:
Breathing Underwater by Alex Flinn
Life is Funny by E.R. Frank
Eight Seconds by Jean Ferris
Deliver Us From Evie by M.E. Kerr (they moved this into the adult section in Orlando libraries)
Uncle Max by Chris Kenry (also moved to the grown-ups' books)
I feel that after those novels, I kind of peaked. I've been searching recently for something to capture my attention, but I've yet to find any interesting adult fiction.... Oh well, I guess I'll have to write my own. ;)
14 September 2010
Race
Ah, that scientifically devised divider....
This afternoon while riding the bus from Evergreen, a young Hispanic gentleman called Michael* began a conversation with me about race, and how the citizens of Olympia seem to ignore/overlook/don't mention it.
I must say, I think Michael was quite bold (not brash) to even broach the subject. He recounted to me the story of an acquaintance of his who felt that "all Olympian were racist" because his particular experience was negative. And then he asked me about my experience within Olympia.
I told him that since I'd only been in Washington for approx. two weeks, I couldn't provide him with a full-bodied opinion, but that the individuals I had encountered seemed friendly and open enough. I also told him that I had prepared myself, to an extent, for Olympia's racial climate. The city is 80% Caucasian, and with that demographic comes a certain amount of compromise that a Black person might have to make. One example would be others' expectations. As a Black person, I'm constantly fighting against the stereotypes that the mainstream media broadcasts, be it music, news, television programmes, etc. It's a disadvantage that every minority has to overcome, be they women, Hispanic, non-heterosexual, disabled etc. I simply do my best to present myself as an intelligent, compassionate individual. If the other party can't get over their prejudices, then that's their fault.
I expound on this particular point because Michael's friend (as he was described to me) was the epitome of the Black male stereotype: tall, dark-shinned, long dreadlocs, and Rastafarian to boot. Whenever a person of this description is displayed within the media, it's usually in a very negative way. That paired with the fact that he was alienated and frustrated in Olympia only furthered people's suspicions about him, which ultimately led to him leaving the city.
Another point that must be brought up is that since there is only a very small population of Black within Olympia, it only serves to misrepresent the population even further. If there are no people to counter what the citizens consume via the media, the it's only reasonable to expect that their expectations will be highly skewered. It's by no means fair, but every minority group has to endure it.
I think a person in the minority needs to be prepared for a few things:
1) Expect static. Humans are naturally afraid of what is different or "other". We've all been in situations like this, whether in the position of the minority or the majority. Assholes are out there and you've just got to deal with it.
2) Don't get jaded. It's easy to become frustrated and express one's discontent on those around them. It's important to expect this and try to curb the negativity as much as possible. Stay positive. For every one person who gives you a rough time, there are two people who can become your friend and advocate.
3) Learn and grow. The most important thing about these situations is to chalk it up to experience. I've had some pretty bad slurs flung my way, but I can look back on those instances and say I'm more resolved to be tolerant and understanding towards others. Breaking the cycle of negativity is one of the best (and hardest) things to do.
I wish that Michael's friend had had a different experience in Olympia, but hopefully one day he'll be able to reflect back on his time here and give it another try. Racism is an issue that's going to persist for a very long time. The only way our society is ever going to overcome it is by breaking down our own prejudices and biases and addressing them head on. It's a long, hard road ahead, but I think it can be done.
*Name change
This afternoon while riding the bus from Evergreen, a young Hispanic gentleman called Michael* began a conversation with me about race, and how the citizens of Olympia seem to ignore/overlook/don't mention it.
I must say, I think Michael was quite bold (not brash) to even broach the subject. He recounted to me the story of an acquaintance of his who felt that "all Olympian were racist" because his particular experience was negative. And then he asked me about my experience within Olympia.
I told him that since I'd only been in Washington for approx. two weeks, I couldn't provide him with a full-bodied opinion, but that the individuals I had encountered seemed friendly and open enough. I also told him that I had prepared myself, to an extent, for Olympia's racial climate. The city is 80% Caucasian, and with that demographic comes a certain amount of compromise that a Black person might have to make. One example would be others' expectations. As a Black person, I'm constantly fighting against the stereotypes that the mainstream media broadcasts, be it music, news, television programmes, etc. It's a disadvantage that every minority has to overcome, be they women, Hispanic, non-heterosexual, disabled etc. I simply do my best to present myself as an intelligent, compassionate individual. If the other party can't get over their prejudices, then that's their fault.
I expound on this particular point because Michael's friend (as he was described to me) was the epitome of the Black male stereotype: tall, dark-shinned, long dreadlocs, and Rastafarian to boot. Whenever a person of this description is displayed within the media, it's usually in a very negative way. That paired with the fact that he was alienated and frustrated in Olympia only furthered people's suspicions about him, which ultimately led to him leaving the city.
Another point that must be brought up is that since there is only a very small population of Black within Olympia, it only serves to misrepresent the population even further. If there are no people to counter what the citizens consume via the media, the it's only reasonable to expect that their expectations will be highly skewered. It's by no means fair, but every minority group has to endure it.
I think a person in the minority needs to be prepared for a few things:
1) Expect static. Humans are naturally afraid of what is different or "other". We've all been in situations like this, whether in the position of the minority or the majority. Assholes are out there and you've just got to deal with it.
2) Don't get jaded. It's easy to become frustrated and express one's discontent on those around them. It's important to expect this and try to curb the negativity as much as possible. Stay positive. For every one person who gives you a rough time, there are two people who can become your friend and advocate.
3) Learn and grow. The most important thing about these situations is to chalk it up to experience. I've had some pretty bad slurs flung my way, but I can look back on those instances and say I'm more resolved to be tolerant and understanding towards others. Breaking the cycle of negativity is one of the best (and hardest) things to do.
I wish that Michael's friend had had a different experience in Olympia, but hopefully one day he'll be able to reflect back on his time here and give it another try. Racism is an issue that's going to persist for a very long time. The only way our society is ever going to overcome it is by breaking down our own prejudices and biases and addressing them head on. It's a long, hard road ahead, but I think it can be done.
*Name change
11 September 2010
Hair
Hair. The majority of humans are born with it. It's entirely natural. And yet, many societies have seen fit to stigmatise it.
Hair just draws a question mark. It's a contradictory argument. Men are allowed to have body hair in abundance; hell, much of their masculinity is based on it. But as soon as a woman has an inappropriate amount (OMG your legs have hair?!) she's looked down upon.
Conversely, women are still in many places expected to have long, flowing locks and anything otherwise is considered indecent. The opposite goes for men. After a certain age, if a man has long hair, he can be considered feminine and non-confirmative. I find it so interesting that norms extend across societies and over continents. It's amazing how religion has aligned social standards, but that's another blog.
My personal opinion on hair: do what makes you feel comfortable. Experiment and see what you like. That goes for body hair and the mop on your head. far be it for me to judge what another person should or shouldn't do with their body. However, I would caution before taking the ultimate hair removal step: electrolysis.
I was seriously considering taking the plunge, but I got a wax instead (full Brasilian). It hurt like a bitch and it was then that I realised, I like having hair on my genitals; it has to be there for a reason, although I'm not running naked through the forest so it is kind of an obsolete reason.
Hair will continue to be on of my favourite things to study amongst my fellow humans. Just the other day I saw a woman with a magnificent afro (I was only slightly jealous) and then a young man with a mohawk. Hair is about expression, be it conformity or otherwise, and more importantly, it's only here for a short time. Enjoy it! You'll be bald one day and wishing you'd done more when you had the chance.
08 September 2010
FB will be the downfall of us all.
This morning I listened to a radio show about how Washington public schools are facing challenges about how to handle digital slander, so to speak.
In an example, one hugh school student made fun of a professor's tagline via Facebook and got caught. The principal only gave her a slap on the wrist, but she was still miffed.
You would think kids would have realised by now that anything they publish online is public domain and can be used against them.
I really don't see where the problem is. If kids don't want to be prosecuted for what they publish online, they should know better than to put anything incriminating online. And anything that the schools (or universities) find should be treated as speech and should be used in that manner.
07 September 2010
WPP
Think back to your childhood, or somewhere around there. Have you ever had an acquaintence or friend who was there one day and without warning, was gone without a trace? Well, what if they were in fact in the Federal Witness Protection Program?
This was a rather interesting idea I had in the twilight period between sleeping and waking, and it really got me thinking.
I don't know much about the WPP, but I help pay for it and thousands of lives have been saved by it. But I reallyy wonder about its intricacies. Who develops the new identities for the victims? How do the US Marshals monitor the victims while in WPP? Haas anyone ever purposefully blown their cover because they were tired of hiding?
Also, how are the towns selected? Wouldn't it be kind of obvious or at the least suspicious if these random strangers kept appearing and disappearing in some little po' dunk town? And then when they just disappear after awhile? Well, that's assuming they ever move. Has there ever been an occasion where a townspeerson has dug a little too deep and possibly uncovered some of the victims true past?
And what if the stories begin to overlap? Assuming that more than one victim is sent to the same town more than once. Are files kept that detail what covers have been used there before? And what if the Feds positioned victims near a former person whom they did not get along with and that bitter individual blew their cover? I'm sure the US gov't is meticulous but accidents do happen. I wonder what the protocol is in a case like that....?
So many questions, and no answers. I guess I'll have to make up my own. ;)
This was a rather interesting idea I had in the twilight period between sleeping and waking, and it really got me thinking.
I don't know much about the WPP, but I help pay for it and thousands of lives have been saved by it. But I reallyy wonder about its intricacies. Who develops the new identities for the victims? How do the US Marshals monitor the victims while in WPP? Haas anyone ever purposefully blown their cover because they were tired of hiding?
Also, how are the towns selected? Wouldn't it be kind of obvious or at the least suspicious if these random strangers kept appearing and disappearing in some little po' dunk town? And then when they just disappear after awhile? Well, that's assuming they ever move. Has there ever been an occasion where a townspeerson has dug a little too deep and possibly uncovered some of the victims true past?
And what if the stories begin to overlap? Assuming that more than one victim is sent to the same town more than once. Are files kept that detail what covers have been used there before? And what if the Feds positioned victims near a former person whom they did not get along with and that bitter individual blew their cover? I'm sure the US gov't is meticulous but accidents do happen. I wonder what the protocol is in a case like that....?
So many questions, and no answers. I guess I'll have to make up my own. ;)
05 September 2010
Anniversary
It's been ten years since I've read my first explicit fictional story. Over the past five years or so, I've noticed a marked decline in my desire to write, overall. I've penned a few ditties, here and there, but nothing substantial.
I remember when there weren't enough hours in the day to get through all the ideas I had for characters and scenarios. But now, I seem content to keep all of this internal. I must have blown through an entire tree during those first five years. Luckily enough, I have most of those notebooks, and although it's somewhat painful to read over the juvenile plots and developments, the passion behind the words is unmistakable.
I long for that passion again. But thinking back, I believe fiction writing was more of a lifeboat I clung to in a desperate attempt to survive those tumultuous teenage years. Ugh, what a horrible period in my life. I can see a lot of that angst reflected in the works, the majority of which I have, boxed up. It's painful to read over the juvenile plots and developments, but the works paralleled actual events in my life. And with time, they grew and matured with me.
A bit like a timeline, a rather creative form of a diary....
I would like to pay homage to my 13-year old self by beginning to write again, in earnest. I think I owe that much to the bewildered, downtrodden kid who began an interest that's spanned a decade.
Here's to you, Little Mo.
02 September 2010
Food
There's a garden in my backyard. I know exactly where salad comes from. Which makes me think about what food I consume that I have no idea where the contents originate.
I've been reading Raj Patel's Stuffed and Starved and the more I read the more frustrated and saddened I become. The politics of food is ingrained in nearly every aspect of our lives: food and poverty, food and international relations, food and gender. And it's been this way for centuries, which means it's going to take a few more centuries to uproot this archaic and corrupt system.
One of the most amazing things I find concerns food and its pricing. How and why is it that I price, for example, a 16 oz box of Cheerios. I can go to three different stores and find three different prices. Why? Is the most expensive box providing me with more nutrients? More fulfillment? More quantity? I wish the gov't would regulate food prices to a greater extent than they do now. And quit subsidising corn and sugar. Those are two of the last things we need to be cheap.
The one thing the gov't should be subsidising: fresh produce. Lettuce, tomatoes, oranges, etc. I actually know of young children who cannot identify a fresh pineapple or coconut. The only exposure they've had to these fruits is after they have been processed. How is it that people can't take their kids to a grocery store and give them a quick tour of the produce section? Or that this (what I could consider) basic knowledge is taken for granted and not passed on?
We as a society are failing when we make processed foods the norm so much so that our children have no idea that food is actually grown in fields, on trees and under the ground.
29 August 2010
Labels
What is butch and femme, and why are they necessary? Is it not enough that we're either "straight" or "gay" or "bisexual"? Is this extra bit of marginalization really necessary? I mean, really?
I've been thinking hard about this concept, and I think I'm entitled to a rant.
I understand that I'm new to the whole LGBT comm, but I know I am not the only person who rolls their eyes at this extra bit of labelling. And it's not the fact that there are labels; we're human and we need to tag something in order to be able to better understand it. But when people start thinking of themselves or others as only a label and can't see outside of the box, that's when the problems begin.
I was reading... something on the web (blog, article, comment?) and the speaker began going on about "butch," "femme" "soft butch," and "stone butch". First I laughed out loud, and then began to seethe. Is it really necessary to 1) box oneself into a particular identity, and 2) categorize everyone else the in the same manner? Sometime I wish I could give Western society a good shake to weaken the social norms and help make the implementation of more modern ideas easier.
What happened to people just being people and then the attraction following afterward? And why do some individuals (for example lesbians) seek only a particular type of partner? Why must the person always be "femme" or "butch"?
But I wonder if that's like another person only preferring redheads or Asians? Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion.... I do have my moments.
But before I point the finger outward, I must examine my own biases. I acknowledge that I am a product of my generation, my time period and my culture (Black, American, female, working class, etc.)/ I have prejudices just like everyone else. I examine them regularly and attempt to break them down to their root.
However, speaking specifically in terms of attraction and traits I consider to be a desirable in a partner... I don't think ethnicity is really the determining factor. More like culture. I've been raised in a certain type of culture, and feel most comfortable within it. That doesn't mean I'm willing to wander around a bit and explore what other peoples have to offer.....
I got distracted by Facebook and Stars so I'm going to end here. I did think of two topics to blog about for later though!! Let's see if I can remember them for tomorrow. :-P
28 August 2010
Conformity
As I was cleaning the tub a few moments ago, I was contemplating how societal standards are formed and how they influence popular opinion.
I recently read something from a commenter who stated that because she had had a child before having a full-time job or going to college that she had "done things out of order".
Whose order? Who has the authority to essentially dictate in what order people should arrange their life-events? And why is this the norm? Why can't people be free to choose how they go about their lives?
I believe it's rather obnoxious for people to go about proclaiming that they have some type of clairvoyance and "know" how things ought to be, in any realm (religion, law, parenting, etc.).
I recently heard a radio show about the Textbook War of 1974, where citizens of a West Virginian town confronted the school board on the assigned textbooks. Essentially, anything that deviated from their conservative belief system was put under fire. It divided the town and left the public education system at a sub-par level; to this day there are still certain literary works that aren't studied by students, i.e. The Grapes of Wrath, due to it's racial and classist overtones.
But even looking at mainstream media, much of it is from the point of view of a W.A.S.P. Although other cultures are beginning to permeate this very skewered viewpoint, it's often misrepresented. Let's take for example The L Word. It's an interesting show, and perhaps portrays life accurately based on its characters (I'm not a middle-class White woman living in LA so I can't say), but it's a very narrow scope. Sure lesbians of that particular demographic are satisfied, but what about Latino and Hispanic lesbians? What about African-American and Middle Eastern viewers? Asians? I understand that a show can't hit on all demographics, I think more bases could have been covered, at least racially (which would hit on class as well).
I just find it extremely frustrating that more populations aren't represented. Stereotyping persists when we don't address the issue, and we've been turning a blind eye for far too long already.
26 August 2010
Alcohol
Rum to relax. Vodka for a good time. Tequila to forget it ever happened.
The last time I had tequila (Halloween '08), I woke up in my bed fully dressed and the world was still spinning. My stomach still clenches at the thought of Cuervo or Patron.
I'm a talkative drunk. Very talkative. And a little clingy. I've never been drunk enough to not keep myself in check, except that fateful Halloween, but there's a first time for everything.
I think it's very interesting how differently people react to alcohol, and to different liquors. I wish I could do a study on that. Take five individuals who were content with their current lot in life and record their reactions and behaviours through various levels of inebriation. Track 'em from tipsy to trashed. That's my kind of science. I love me some statistics.
Tomorrow night I'm being treated to a farewell dinner by my coworkers. We'll be dining at a Mexican restaurant, and odds are 20 to 1 Mr Cuervo will be present.... I hope the waitstaff have been warned, cause we gon' tear the roof off that biatch!
The last time I had tequila (Halloween '08), I woke up in my bed fully dressed and the world was still spinning. My stomach still clenches at the thought of Cuervo or Patron.
I'm a talkative drunk. Very talkative. And a little clingy. I've never been drunk enough to not keep myself in check, except that fateful Halloween, but there's a first time for everything.
I think it's very interesting how differently people react to alcohol, and to different liquors. I wish I could do a study on that. Take five individuals who were content with their current lot in life and record their reactions and behaviours through various levels of inebriation. Track 'em from tipsy to trashed. That's my kind of science. I love me some statistics.
Tomorrow night I'm being treated to a farewell dinner by my coworkers. We'll be dining at a Mexican restaurant, and odds are 20 to 1 Mr Cuervo will be present.... I hope the waitstaff have been warned, cause we gon' tear the roof off that biatch!
24 August 2010
Melancholy
This is my fifth attempt at a blog. I'm tired and have work in the morning so I'm going to monologue about Melancholia.
I'm feeling melancholy because I just had a fantastically awesome vegan dinner with my good friend Kathryn. I hadn't seen her in nearly three months and I won't see her again until the holiday season. Normally I don't get attached so strongly to people, but Kat's talked me through some rough shit this past year. From accepting my sexuality to a horrible fiasco involving a TA during the fall to rather misguided feelings toward a mutual friend, that hookeh has kept me on track. And now I'm heading out to Washington and I don't have someone providing objective information. Whether it be my friend Davi, who I've known since I was eleven, or Kat or our friend Alley, someone has always been there to talk me down or out of the wild notions that sometimes sweep me away. And now, I'm on my own. Hence, my melancholy.
Ok, maybe it didn't always work. I'm stubborn to a fault when I want something that I want, and there have been times when even Davi couldn't talk me out of an idea once that had taken root. Even when it was obviously bad, I ignored her and she has taken every opportunity after those situations to gloat about how she is always right. Because she always is. Always always.
I've lost my thread, so that means it's time to shut it down for the night.
But I will say, that this feeling will have passed by the morning. Until I meet with the College Dems tomorrow night, when it starts all over again. And then again on Friday, with my co-workers.
I have sufficiently depressed myself. I'm such a depressive.
21 August 2010
Sick
I'm taking a day to deviate from my regularly scheduled introflecting about various topics to whine about how I hate being sick.
Now, I'm not really sick. I don't have a fever, no vomiting, no general feeling of lill, but my throat is sore. Not strep throat sore, but enough to notice.
I would like to take this opportunity to point my finger at the 10 little bodies who are most likely responsible for my affliction. For the last week, I've been snotted on, sneezed on, coughed on and drooled on. And at last my immune system broke down. Combine that with the financial and emotional stress of the last month and TADA!! I'm on the verge of being sick.
I don't normally medicate, but if I wake up in the morning feeling worse I'm jumping on the DayQuil bandwagon as it passes. I do not need to be slowed down by anything on my last week in FL. And definitely not on a plane ride to Olympia. Ugh, the last time I rode on a plane while sick... :shudders: My ears ache just thinking about it. :(
But I've got my Neti Pot, juice, water and all the Law & Order: SVU I can watch. I just hope if it comes, it comes quickly.
Now, I'm not really sick. I don't have a fever, no vomiting, no general feeling of lill, but my throat is sore. Not strep throat sore, but enough to notice.
I would like to take this opportunity to point my finger at the 10 little bodies who are most likely responsible for my affliction. For the last week, I've been snotted on, sneezed on, coughed on and drooled on. And at last my immune system broke down. Combine that with the financial and emotional stress of the last month and TADA!! I'm on the verge of being sick.
I don't normally medicate, but if I wake up in the morning feeling worse I'm jumping on the DayQuil bandwagon as it passes. I do not need to be slowed down by anything on my last week in FL. And definitely not on a plane ride to Olympia. Ugh, the last time I rode on a plane while sick... :shudders: My ears ache just thinking about it. :(
But I've got my Neti Pot, juice, water and all the Law & Order: SVU I can watch. I just hope if it comes, it comes quickly.
20 August 2010
The LGBT Community
I'll admit, I have not had much official interaction with the LGBT community, per se. Yes, I have encountered numerous gay males and I'm sure more than my share of lesbians, but as far as an organised event catered towards gays directly, nope.
And i find myself hesitant to do so.
It's not that I'm embarrassed, more like anxious. I've heard good and bad things about organised gay events, but I'm hoping more along the lines of the good. I'm afraid that if I go to an event, that bubble of goodness will burst and I'll be left with the same disappointment I feel with the Black community: so much wasted potential.
The one experience I have had with a gay org was the University of Central Florida's GLBTQ org, EQUAL. Well, it turns out that they are not so equal and highly prejudiced against non-Whites, bisexuals and even persons who had newly accepted their non-heterosexuality. Needless to say I stuck around for only two meetings before writing if off as a bad job.
Also, I've just read an op-ed about the division and bias within the GLBT community for the reasons I've mentioned above. Which leads me back to my apprehension about an organised function.
But I wonder if it's just the central Florida area. We are being liberal in a very conservative environment, and maybe the stereotypes are so hardwired that it's difficult to see past it. I'm really, really hoping that my hop to the West Coast will bring about a much needed breath of fresh air. I'm so tired of the tension and the bigotry.
One day, the world will be a tolerant place.... Maybe. :-/
And i find myself hesitant to do so.
It's not that I'm embarrassed, more like anxious. I've heard good and bad things about organised gay events, but I'm hoping more along the lines of the good. I'm afraid that if I go to an event, that bubble of goodness will burst and I'll be left with the same disappointment I feel with the Black community: so much wasted potential.
The one experience I have had with a gay org was the University of Central Florida's GLBTQ org, EQUAL. Well, it turns out that they are not so equal and highly prejudiced against non-Whites, bisexuals and even persons who had newly accepted their non-heterosexuality. Needless to say I stuck around for only two meetings before writing if off as a bad job.
Also, I've just read an op-ed about the division and bias within the GLBT community for the reasons I've mentioned above. Which leads me back to my apprehension about an organised function.
But I wonder if it's just the central Florida area. We are being liberal in a very conservative environment, and maybe the stereotypes are so hardwired that it's difficult to see past it. I'm really, really hoping that my hop to the West Coast will bring about a much needed breath of fresh air. I'm so tired of the tension and the bigotry.
One day, the world will be a tolerant place.... Maybe. :-/
12 August 2010
Addiction
I've recently been watching Showtime's Nurse Jackie and have been contemplating addiction and its consequences.
I've never had a substance addiction, nor have I known anyone while they were going through the actual addiction or recovery.
This time last year I would have balked at the very thought. But it's been a long year, and I find as time goes by that I am more... understanding of people and their personal choices and decisions.
That said, I'd probably take the cue from the... addictee, user...? I dunno, but it's not my place to judge. I'd go through the usual "You should get help," but I'm not sure I'd interfere overmuch. Assuming the person is an adult, they're free to make their own decisions. I sure as hell don't respond well to people telling me what to do.
But if it was a loved one.... :sigh: I'd probably be a little more insistent, because the impact would be felt much more acutely. And if it was a lover...
I've seen what addiction does to people and their circle of loved ones (not firsthand, but still) and that would be enough for me to make an attempt at an intervention. But as far as real-world situation goes, I'm not so sure....
I've never had a substance addiction, nor have I known anyone while they were going through the actual addiction or recovery.
This time last year I would have balked at the very thought. But it's been a long year, and I find as time goes by that I am more... understanding of people and their personal choices and decisions.
That said, I'd probably take the cue from the... addictee, user...? I dunno, but it's not my place to judge. I'd go through the usual "You should get help," but I'm not sure I'd interfere overmuch. Assuming the person is an adult, they're free to make their own decisions. I sure as hell don't respond well to people telling me what to do.
But if it was a loved one.... :sigh: I'd probably be a little more insistent, because the impact would be felt much more acutely. And if it was a lover...
I've seen what addiction does to people and their circle of loved ones (not firsthand, but still) and that would be enough for me to make an attempt at an intervention. But as far as real-world situation goes, I'm not so sure....
10 August 2010
Infidelity
Apparently infidelity is the New Black.
I'm more of a serial monogamy kind of person, but I do believe in keeping one's word. If a person vows to remain faithful and all that, they should.
Now I have to say, the amount of people I know who have been on the shit end of the infidelity stick is growing.
But I wonder if we're going about this the wrong way. Marriage and long-term commitment came about as a way for men to ensure that the kids that they were supporting were in fact their heirs. That seems a little passe to me, especially in today's Western world.
Studies, and people, show that some humans are less... content in long-term relationships. Our society pushes for it, despite the obvious variance in behaviours and inclinations. And also, people change, and sometimes the situations we enter into (in this case marriage and LTRs) are not as we expect and certain... adjustments must be made.
I'm not saying that infidelity is the solution, but it seems to be the go-to for many people I know of recently.
But I have this feeling, it always has been.
I'm more of a serial monogamy kind of person, but I do believe in keeping one's word. If a person vows to remain faithful and all that, they should.
Now I have to say, the amount of people I know who have been on the shit end of the infidelity stick is growing.
But I wonder if we're going about this the wrong way. Marriage and long-term commitment came about as a way for men to ensure that the kids that they were supporting were in fact their heirs. That seems a little passe to me, especially in today's Western world.
Studies, and people, show that some humans are less... content in long-term relationships. Our society pushes for it, despite the obvious variance in behaviours and inclinations. And also, people change, and sometimes the situations we enter into (in this case marriage and LTRs) are not as we expect and certain... adjustments must be made.
I'm not saying that infidelity is the solution, but it seems to be the go-to for many people I know of recently.
But I have this feeling, it always has been.