Family Secrets

Yesterday during lunch with a buddy, we got onto the topic of family and specifically our dads. My friend is/was estranged from his dad, who was absent during his childhood.  It wasn't until he was a young adult that he reached out and actually found out what was going on in the home during that time. It brought a lot of resolution and puts a lot of things into context.

This has inspired me. For a long time I had anger at the events of my own childhood, but talking with my sibs about our childhood--esp since we're of different ages and different ways of storing memories--has made be being to rethink things. And yesterday's lunch has me thinking that I'm ready to get all the pieces to this puzzle.

We talked as well about how trauma impacts the dynamics of family and how those dynamics influence later generations. It's historical trauma, but it's interesting how much that trauma lives on and ravages relationships when no one is talking about it. It's as if this beast known as Trauma has a wider playing field because folks are going to overlook/deny/stright-up ignore anything relating to the root.  I recognise that this is a coping mechanism because Black folks have hellla shit to deal with and are still being assaulted with racism via institutions, daily interactions, poverty. Shit is real.

I think or me personally, I'm going to start to be a bit more proactive. I know some family members who have been more willing than others to talk about the hurts they've suffered. I  think that learning about this part of my family hisotry will contextualise the hurts I suffered as a child and help me heal.

I feel like I'm ready to learn about the unspoken parts of my family history not only for myself, but to have these stories to help me put things into context for my own kids.  Each of us carries the weigh of our forebearers and--to mea--it only makes sense to know that we carry the moments of triumph and joy and celebration, and also the traumas and resiliency to keep surviving when the situations are dangerous and even deadly.

I owe that much to my kids. I owe that much to myself. I owe that much to my ancestors, to know their history so it won't be forgotten.