Currently, I'm reading/listening to a book called Lirael by Garth Nix. It's amazingly creepy, suspenseful and so so beautifully written. If you haven't read his work, I highly highly recommend it. But only if you're into high fantasy/sci-fi/dystopian futures.
Anyways, Lirael deals with a line of folks called the Clayr, who have the Sight, or the ability to glimpse into the possible futures. And I've been thinking a bit about how in our world, there is ancestral knowledge in us to Feel and perhaps even See things that have been and might be.
I think back to my own family where I know of relatives who have told stories of dreams and premonitions coming to light. I've noticed a recent upswing in my perception and have been listening in more closely to that niggling feeling I get in my stomach when things are about to Happen.
Ok, so I've been having pretty vivid day/dreams lately, and I am convinced that some of them have an actually possibility of Happening. I don't think that things just Happen--I believe that we--or in this case I--have a heavy hand in shaping what my Future will be. And I'm at the point where I'm motivated enough to take risks I wouldn't have previously entertained.
Maybe my ambition was just taking a break these past few years.....
23 October 2013
21 October 2013
When People Shit on Kindles
It really pisses me off when people shit on Kindles and other eReaders.
I just look at them, my mind racing with thoughts like, "Uh-huh bc print books are accessible to everyone right?" and "Fuck you for being so fucking lofty about print books," and "Ugh, spare me your 'print book purism, puh-lease!"
I hate that fully-sighted folks often go on and on about being able to 'hold a book in their hands' and 'the smell of the ink on the pages' and blahblahblah. Yeah, I love that shit too and I grew up with it and I still have a shelf full of books. But what do I love more? Being able to fucking read stories on my Kindle because I can make the font large enough for me to read without causing massive eye strain and a debilitating headache.
Take your print-book judginess alllll the way in that far corner before I throw my Kindle and my fucken Nook in your face.
I just look at them, my mind racing with thoughts like, "Uh-huh bc print books are accessible to everyone right?" and "Fuck you for being so fucking lofty about print books," and "Ugh, spare me your 'print book purism, puh-lease!"
I hate that fully-sighted folks often go on and on about being able to 'hold a book in their hands' and 'the smell of the ink on the pages' and blahblahblah. Yeah, I love that shit too and I grew up with it and I still have a shelf full of books. But what do I love more? Being able to fucking read stories on my Kindle because I can make the font large enough for me to read without causing massive eye strain and a debilitating headache.
Take your print-book judginess alllll the way in that far corner before I throw my Kindle and my fucken Nook in your face.
17 October 2013
Happy Birthday, I Miss You
Tomorrow--technically today cause I'm talking about PR Time--is my dad's birthday. It's been five years since I've seen him. Our relationship has been strained, but I'm in a place where I'm ready to do the work to rebuild.
Part of that means going back to PR, because it's been calling me for awhile now. I'm not sure what awaits me there, but I'm confident I'll know it when I see it.
Part of that means going back to PR, because it's been calling me for awhile now. I'm not sure what awaits me there, but I'm confident I'll know it when I see it.
16 October 2013
Death of a Relationship
Direct, open communication is one of my top values. I really want i to be central in all of my relationships because it's something I need in order to function and thrive.
Currently, I'm bumping up against this value as I contemplate a three year relationship that's caused a lot of growth and also a tremendous amount of pain. Usually relationships taper of, but I'm challenging myself to be more active an intentional about the way I end this relationship. I feel like if I let it taper off, there will always be an open door for things to get stirred up again.
And that is not what I want, at all.
I want things to be cut and dry, with absolutely no room for resurrection--at least that's my current thought process. I need time and space to Heal from the Hurts an that means no contact.
:le sigh:
It's time to fully heal.
Currently, I'm bumping up against this value as I contemplate a three year relationship that's caused a lot of growth and also a tremendous amount of pain. Usually relationships taper of, but I'm challenging myself to be more active an intentional about the way I end this relationship. I feel like if I let it taper off, there will always be an open door for things to get stirred up again.
And that is not what I want, at all.
I want things to be cut and dry, with absolutely no room for resurrection--at least that's my current thought process. I need time and space to Heal from the Hurts an that means no contact.
:le sigh:
It's time to fully heal.
15 October 2013
Being a Non-Student
It feels weird, walking around the campus that was such a central part of my life for the last three years. It feels... freeing in a way to know I owe no obligations to the classrooms, buildings, or people there. I'm not required to be anywhere or do anything or sit for a number of hours pretending to listen....
I love not having my life dominated by people telling me what I should read, of listening to people process their privilege aloud to the detriment of my emotional and mental well-being, of shelling out thousands of dollars for an education that makes me question how much I actually learned....
I feel nostalgic about the community I was a part of--making eye contact with fellow poc/rad folk/qweers when a particularly ignorant person felt the need to make their tired opinions known, of bonding over the mountains of homework and stress of deadlines; of the delirium of academic/student leadership/employment/social life that weighed so heavily on the shoulders of my peers and me.
I have fond memories, and some actual nightmares of my undergrad years. I'm glad to have made it through the trials, the first of my family. I will not forget the lessons I've learnt, and I will work hard in giving back--to my peers and to the family who will pursue higher education.
I love not having my life dominated by people telling me what I should read, of listening to people process their privilege aloud to the detriment of my emotional and mental well-being, of shelling out thousands of dollars for an education that makes me question how much I actually learned....
I feel nostalgic about the community I was a part of--making eye contact with fellow poc/rad folk/qweers when a particularly ignorant person felt the need to make their tired opinions known, of bonding over the mountains of homework and stress of deadlines; of the delirium of academic/student leadership/employment/social life that weighed so heavily on the shoulders of my peers and me.
I have fond memories, and some actual nightmares of my undergrad years. I'm glad to have made it through the trials, the first of my family. I will not forget the lessons I've learnt, and I will work hard in giving back--to my peers and to the family who will pursue higher education.
Happy
I was falling asleep today and thinking about how content I feel. Like actual contentedness, not complacency or "This is enough for now."
I feel happy--happy to be moving to Seattle, happy to have cruhes who make me feel good, happy to have amazing friends who have my back, happy to have a great job with a great family....
I'm just happy to be here.
I feel happy--happy to be moving to Seattle, happy to have cruhes who make me feel good, happy to have amazing friends who have my back, happy to have a great job with a great family....
I'm just happy to be here.